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LTG: A- | Grade It Now!
Long Live the Queens
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Lima must be having the warmest January day in history, as the girls of New Directions make their way to a table at the improbable outdoor lunchroom, some of them in skirts. Tina wants Mercedes to finally give them all the scoop on her summer fling with Sam, now that he's back at McKinley and making eyes at Mercedes. And then we're with the boys on the bleachers, where Puck asks Sam to tell them everything. And then Puck kisses Sam's hand. For real. That is a thing that happened on my TV. If Ryan Murphy thinks that having Puck go gay all of a sudden is going to get me to give the show higher grades -- well, he's right.

Anyway, the hand kiss is just prelude to both sets of kids singing "Summer Nights," from Grease. It's pretty much a direct copy of the scene from the movie, in all its hip-thrusting glory. Although I'm glad they cut the line that implies the only way to get a girl to have sex is through force. Of note, Sugar Motta gets to sing a line! And Kurt is, as per usual, with the girls. Although I don't mind, since he gets to deliver one of Rizzo's lines. Title card.

Becky's at her locker while we hear her inner monologue. Her inner voice, with its crisp British accent, is clearly not provided by Lauren Potter, but it took me quite a while to realize it was Helen Mirren. As the voice-over tells us, "You may be wondering why I sound like the Queen of England. It's simple. In my mind, I can sound like whomever I want. So lay off, haters." This idea is genius. [Note: Though it does imply that Becky would never choose to have Potter's actual voice, which in offensive in its own way... but whatever, this is the same show that forgot Rachel Berry was Jewish. -- RS.] Anyway, Queen Becky reminds us that she's the number one bitch at McKinley, what with being co-captain of the Cheerios and president of the Perfect Attendance Club, not to mention her participation trophy in rhythmic gymnastics. So it stands to reason that she could get any dude she wants.

Unfortunately, she tells us that she's very picky. As she walks down the hall, she tells us why so many guys are unacceptable to someone with her discerning taste: "Rory grins too much. He looks like an insane person. Is that a mohawk, Puckerman, or did someone glue a squirrel to your head? No, [Mike] Chang-Du, I'm no rice queen." But then she sees someone that does meet her standards: "Sweet, sexy, and handicapable, like me, with a voice as velvety as my favorite Sunday church dress. It's decided. Artie Abrams, you're my new boyfriend." Well, alrighty then.

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