King’s Castle

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: D | 21 USERS: B
I Don't Know What I Know

Montage! It's very episode-one-of-Orange-Is-the-New-Black as Mike gets booked and checked in at the Los Angeles County jail. But with fewer tits. In the gloomiest damn prison yard I have ever seen on TV (seriously, it has a roof), Bello greets Mike, who bitches about how quickly they booted him from the medical ward. He acts angry with Bello for getting him in this shitty situation and starts spinning the story Charlie set up. Bello says maybe he can help Mike avoid Gen Pop.

Jakes knocks on Johnny's bedroom door, then walks in and starts digging through Johnny's stuff, looking for clandestine party plans. Johnny's hiding in the closet as Jakes finds a brochure and calls up the bounce house company to cancel. I wish I still gave a shit about Johnny's shenanigans.

Charlie is also searching Mike's room. She finds his grandfather's photo in a drawer and Briggs catches her. He's still angry about her convincing Mike to go under in jail. Her excuse for being in Mike's room was bringing him his medication; she says she'll take the pills to the jail the next morning, as soon as visitation starts. Which is a terrible plan, because Bello knows that Charlie is a federal agent. So naturally, when Charlie leaves the room, Briggs calls the jail and schedules a visitation with Bello (whose first name is Jeremiah, we learn for the first time, I think).

Visitation room. Charlie and Mike are chatting. A guard brings Bello in, and he stares, stricken, at Mike, then jumps on him and starts pummeling Mike in his recently ventilated gut, screaming, "You are a fed!" Charlie shrieks at the guards to get Bello off Mike, while Mike just lies there and bleeds in that precious little way he perfected in the French movie. Well, that was petty, Briggs.

Graceland. Johnny interrupts Paige's reading to ask for help measuring the living room for the bounce house. She is all, this B plot is cramping my style and totally upending the tone of the episode, man. Charlie storms in hollering for Briggs. Mike is doubled over in pain in the front hallway, where Charlie kindly abandoned him. Paige runs over to help him. Charlie tells Briggs what happened at the visitation, and he cuts through her rambling. She says, "You're right, we never should have put him in there," which is all Briggs wanted to hear. You know, my natural affection for Daniel Sunjata is almost at its end, because this guy is a real shithead lately. Kind of like after season four of Rescue Me, when they stopped giving everyone else in the firehouse anything fun to do and it became the FX Presents Denis Leary Gets Laid and Then Finishes a Bottle of Whiskey Hour.

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