Great American Road Trip
Road Warriors

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Sara M: D | Grade It Now!
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Road Worriers

Oh, this show. This show, this show, this show. It's still on. We begin with the Cootes, which is already weird. They're never on the show. They win all the time, but we never see them do anything. Did the camera crew following them forget to turn their cameras on or something? Anyway, the teams are told to report to the Mid Point Café and everyone is excited to have made it halfway on Route 66. All hell breaks loose in the Faverey RV, as Dee notices that the cupboard doors are open. For some reason, she has to scream about this. Then she's crying over the Ricos being out of the competition. Dee has a lot of feelings, you guys. And then she sees a bunch of cows on the side of the road and starts screaming again. No wonder Lenny always looks like his head is about to explode when he's driving.

Oh no! Reno is at the Mid Point Café to greet the families when they arrive. The Montgomerys enter first, and when Darius sees Reno he assumes it's time for another challenge. If only I could be that lucky. The sooner the first challenge happens, the sooner this show is over. The Pollards come in next, and Amie barks "Reno, what are you doin' here?" "I am doing uh I like pie?" Reno says. Way to think on your feet, there, Reno. Some guy who works at the café tries to back Reno up by talking up the Mid Point Café's pies. Quiet, you! This isn't a TGI Friday's or a Motel 6, so you don't get to promote it. "You scare me," Cassidy Coote says to Reno. For real, Cassidy. You're awesome, even though your parents are generally unpleasant cheaters. Reno heads over to the Faverey table, where Ashley asks him if there's a challenge and he pretends not to hear her. Dick. Ashley almost cries, which is a perfectly reasonable response to being in the vicinity of Reno. "You're like the Grim Reaper!" Amy says. I think the challenge is who can talk the most shit about Reno, and the winner is the Cootes family. Reno finally announces that there is no challenge and they're just here for fun. This show's idea of fun and my idea of fun are so different, though. Sure enough, Reno says it's time for a pie-eating contest. And since they're at the halfway point, they have to eat half a pie using just their faces. The Montgomery sons are loving this so far. Whichever family gets closest to eating exactly half the pie wins... A SHOPPING SPREE IN THE GIFT SHOP!!!!! MUGS GALORE! AND T-SHIRTS, PERHAPS??? Oh my freaking god, this show.

Reno sets the pies down on the tables, and Blake DiSalvatore interviews all about how gross the pie looked and how little he wanted to eat it. Ha! He's cool. I wish he'd go off like this on TGI Friday's, though. Reno calls go, and the families dig in. Except there's just one pie for all four of them, so they're all going to eat each other's spit. Gross. Darius uses his tongue to draw a halfway line in the pie as if they couldn't just look at the pie and know what half of it is by sight. This is so not worth a gift shop shopping spree. The DiSalvatore men are delicate flowers and refuse to eat each other's spit, so Amy is stuck doing the work for them. This gives Blake time to watch the other families, and he sees Dee regurgitate back into her family's pie and Lenny eat it. Alecia Montgomery gets a pie-filling cherry or blueberry stuck up her nose. Reno calls time, and Amy celebrates with the mother of all burps. Even her gas expulsions are loud. So, who wins the shopping spree? The Montgomerys! Who cares? No one! And then... AND THEN! They begin their spree by getting in a prayer circle and thanking Jesus! Thanking Jesus for giving them the ability to eat half a pie and win a $200 gift store shopping spree! There are no words.

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Great American Road Trip

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