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Couch Baron: C | Grade It Now!
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot…
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

So after a ton of previouslies, most of which are totally unnecessary, we start... by showing a bunch of stuff from last week, interspersed with stuff that's new but annoying, like Matt, who we left in the middle of a standoff in which he was protecting his family, sitting on a train. I mean, I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore when the show leaves off on a tense moment and pretends it never happened next episode, but it's hardly worth getting irritated about when we next see Bennet, Claire, and Angela outside Arlington, Virginia, which has to be AT LEAST three days' drive from wherever the hell Coyote Sands is, so unless Peter decided to fly around the world the other way for some reason, there's no way this timeline makes a lick of sense, but anyway, we're actually coming in a few minutes before what we saw last week, as Angela awakens with a start in the back seat and says that Nathan's in trouble. But he's apparently not the only one, as Bennet pulls over and informs Angela and Claire that a "construction site" they just passed was a government setup, and there's going to be a roadblock upcoming, so the two of them need to get out. Once they do, he gives them directions to get to D.C. on foot, and hands Claire what's presumably an untraceable cell phone before telling her to get to Nathan and make sure it's him and not Sylar. Grandmother and granddaughter obey Bennet's orders...

...and then we're back to what we saw last week, with Bennet stopping at the roadblock and getting swarmed by commandos. Glad to know it wasn't a surprise, at least.

We now once again see Danko stabbing Sylar in the head and Sylar recovering, only this time Danko doesn't tell the guy on the other end of the walkie that he'll call him back, and I think I'm just wholly tired of the show at this point, but seriously: Which is it? Did he say it, or not? The way this show is so in love with its own supposed cleverness and high drama to the point where basic continuity is regularly ignored is just positively bewildering. Anyway, Sylar telekinetically throws Danko up against a wall as he explains that he used his shapeshifting ability to move the "off" switch in the back of his head somewhere else, and you're more than welcome to make speculative jokes about where on his anatomy said switch is most likely currently to be residing, but I don't want to talk about Sylar any more than is absolutely necessary, which is of course way too much to begin with. Sylar moves Nathan's unconscious form into an adjoining room and closes the door, saying he'll kill him later, but first he has to use that ability he mentioned last week -- the one that allows him to see the history of an object -- to absorb Nathan's memories, so as to be as convincing a Nathan as possible. Personally, Sylar, I don't think you have much to worry about, because if people ever stopped staring at Nathan's hotness and actually listened to the things coming out of his mouth, he wouldn't be where he is today, in more than one sense. Anyway, Sylar takes many more words than are necessary in order to convey his plan -- shake the President's hand and become him -- and Danko breathes that if he wants to execute that idea, he'll have to kill him now. WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER SAY THAT? Anyway, Sylar smirks and says he's got something else in mind before assuming Danko's form as the voices of the team Danko summoned become audible. Sylar then picks up Danko's gun, steps out into the hallway, fires three times. We hear reports of at least one man down before Sylar releases Danko from his invisible grip, and as Danko recovers for a moment, Sylar then switches to Taub, that agent Danko had him mimicking, and calls to the team he's got Danko, and seriously, how dumb are these agents that they don't notice Taub just randomly appearing and disappearing at the drop of a hat? But rather than point any of this out, Danko decides to accept the frame job with just a seething "You son of a bitch" sent Sylar's way. You'd think the reference to his mother would cause quivery lips and misty eyes in our serial-killing mama's boy, but we can only guess if that's the case, because like all of us, the title card is so over this season it's beyond expression, and speeds things along by finishing its S3 duties right here. I only wish I were in the same position.

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