Don't Look Back

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: A+
So many heroes, so little time.

Hm. In case you missed it the first time around, we get a second showing of Claire and the Burning Tunnel of Train from last week's episode. The shot of Claire running out of the train turns into a picture on the front page of the local paper, and we see Claire reading it and chewing on her finger. It's pretty obvious that last week's episode was the pilot and this week's was shot much later because Claire's hair looks far more beauty pageant-y than it did last week. She calls out to her dad and asks if she can talk to him about something. Her dad, who just happens to be creepy Bad Glasses Man, walks over with juice and asks if she's pregnant. Instead of immediately calling her father a perv and walking out, Claire just good-naturedly says she isn't, and her father says that he already knows what she wants to talk to him about. This conversation is already freaking me out. If my father walked over to me with a pitcher of orange juice and balls-out asked me if I was pregnant, I probably would have passed out. But BGM isn't my father and Claire isn't me and let's get through this as fast as possible, shall we? "It's about wanting to know who you really are," says BGM. "Your mother told me you were asking about your birth parents."

Claire thinks it's time she knew who they were and BGM wants to know why she suddenly needs to know now. "I'm just wondering, that's all," she says. "You know, what they're like, what they can do--" BGM looks at her with surprise. "What they can do?" Claire quickly covers with "hobbies" and "skills" and her father just tells her that he thinks this is an adult decision, and even though walking through fire can certainly age a person, Claire is nowhere near adulthood yet. He says that it's going to be very complex and he'd rather she try to keep things light and fun and stupid for as long as she can. Too late, dad. She's already tossed herself off a sixty-foot structure and lived to tell about it. There's precious little that's light and fun about her life right now.

He tells her to stick to fun stuff like cheerleading and Claire says that cheerleading is hard and treacherous work. Like espionage, only with pompoms instead of guns. He kind of laughs and then kisses her on the cheek and tells her to remain a girl for just a little longer. Because then he can make out with her and promise her a future full of therapy! Because really? He's totally grossing me out. Maybe it's just because I know he's not really her father and he's also kind of creepy and therefore, he must want to molest her. I can't help it. He skeeves me out. No offense against Jack Coleman -- he's awesome. Hell, I'm a die-hard Dynasty fan and he was one of my faves. But... still. Totally skeevy. "Trust me," he says skeevily. "I actually know a few things." Claire gets totally skeeved out by him and runs away with her egg sandwich as he glowers at the juice on the counter and ponders if licking the outside of the glass would be just as fun as licking the side of his fake-daughter's face. Or, you know, he just looks down at the burning train picture in the paper. But he's THINKING about the face-licking!

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