Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | Grade It Now!
Oh, We'll Run Alright.

Vegas. Hope unspools a yarn to the Bouken Boys about how she was abused by this guy and she just got the courage to leave him, but she left her stupid bag behind in the hotel room upstairs. It's pink (of course) and has rhinestones all over it (ditto) and she says it has all her money and credit cards and family photos in it. She flicks the switch on the waterworks as Hiro and Ando look at her sympathetically. Ando, besotted with Hope's weepy eyes and flippy blonde hair, offers to go get the bag for her. Hiro's all, the what? Dude. Ixnay on the elp-hay! He pulls his friend aside and reminds him of their mission. What mission would that be, Hiro? The one where you're supposed to save the world? Or the one where you endlessly traverse the continent in search of a sword YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING NEED?

Ando basically says as much when he's like, dude? We've been following your mission all along; why can't we follow my mission, just once? Hiro's like, what the fuck mission are you talking about? Ando's like, um, the mission wherein I GET LAID. Throw me a bone, homes; this Hope chick will totally put out if I get her bag. I mean, you had Charlie and now you want to go get the sword from Linderman -- when do I get to chase something I want? Hope breaks in to ask if they just said Linderman's name. Hiro asks if she knows him and she says she knows people who know him. They strike a bargain: if Hiro and Ando get her bag, Hope will introduce them to Linderman. Ando asks how they can get past security and Hope brightly says she has an idea.

Cut to Ando, wheeling a room service cart down a hallway, dressed as a hotel employee. He knocks on a door and Hope's ex answers and it's Bill Fagerbakke, the guy who played Coach's hapless employee as well as Tom "M-O-O-N spells Tom" Cullen on the sometimes-hideous miniseries The Stand. Seriously -- have you seen that thing lately? It was on Sci-Fi not too long ago and, while there are moments of creepiness (the opening with "Don't Fear the Reaper" playing in the background is particularly haunting) and suspense, the overacting and overwrought characterizations tend to distract you from any good parts you might be witnessing. Gary Sinise? Awesome, as always. Molly Ringwald as Frannie? So grossly miscast that every time she was onscreen, I kept looking for Andrew McCarthy and James Spader to show up in their Miami Vice ice cream suits. And what was with that fucking wig they had on her? It was like Louise Brooks on a bender. And don't even get me started on Adam Storke as Larry Underwood and Laura San Giacomo as Nadine and the usually awesome Jamey Sheridan as Flagg and that sad fucking MULLET he had going on. The hair, overall, was so bad it wasn't even laughable. I mean, really.

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