Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Is Richard Alpert... Myth-taken?

Tenerife, Canary Islands, 1867: Richard. Rides. A. Horse. Revel in the beauty of the moment. Are you done? Not yet. Okay, me neither. [...] How about this, once you're done, take a look at Richard Alpert shilling Old Spice Body Wash (click on the photo strip to enlarge). Let me know when you're ready.

Tenerife, Canary Islands; 1867: Ricardo (and I'll continue to call him Richard, because keeping Sawyer and Jim Ford's names straight last week taxed my mind) arrives at a cottage on his you-know-what. Inside, his esposa bella, Isabella (Mirelly Taylor), lays dying of what appears to be Consumption. All their conversation is in Spanish (with English subtitles) so I'm going to paraphrase the hell out of this scene. When Isabella coughs up blood, Richard knows he must get a doctor. He grabs what few coins they have, but fearing it won't be enough, Isabella insists that he take her gold cross, too. He loves her very much, and does not want her to make this sacrifice, but she prevails. He can't imagine what he'd do if anything ever happened to her. To calm him, Isabella tells him: "Close your eyes." When he complies, she says, "We'll always be together." She reaches up and kisses his cheek. Richard composes himself. "I will save you." He kisses her on her forehead and leaves her alone and dying, clutching a Bible to her bosom.

Richard rides his you-know-what through the rain -- for hours. Yes. Wet Richard Alpert on a you-know-what. Is this going to be a problem for the whole hour, people? Sheeesh. Dr. Devoid-of-Humanity (Jose Yenque) is more worried about his floors getting wet than Richard and his ailing wife. He's not hauling his refined ass all through the night to Richard's humble abode circa de El Socorro for this peasant. Without even learning Isabella's symptoms, the doctor offers medicine he just knows will do the trick, but it's muy expensive, of course. Dr. Devoid retrieves a small bottle containing a very expensive cure from a locked cabinet, but since all Richard has is a few coins and his wife's gold cross, the doctor refuses to help, and throws Isabella's cross to the ground, calling it nada. Richard retrieves it and then begs the doctor to help, even offering to work to pay off the debt. When the doctor refuses, the two men struggle over the bottle. During their fight, the doctor falls, striking his head against his table, and dies instantly. Hooray! Richard grabs the bottle (which to me looks like the bottle of sand Richard showed a young John Locke, years ago, but the fine, upstanding citizens in the forums say the contents are too white [suggest it's cocaine] and that the bottle is different, and I'm inclined to believe them) and flees. The butler (Davo Coria), just returning with blankets to save Dr. Devoid's floor, stands there with his mouth open. He must know Richard is going to ride a you-know-what back through the pouring rain.

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