Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C | 13 USERS: B-
CJ Cregg Bested By Bai Ling
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Welcome to a very "special" episode of Lost -- special as in Special Education. You probably don't require it, but for those of you who are slow, like Jacob (and me), I'll sum up the moral first. As the episode progresses, follow along closely and see if you too can pick it out of the story. You ready? Okay.

Moral: There's this tantalizing glow. Its name and origin are both a big question mark, so I'll call it XX. Now there's some of this inside of man (let's call man XY), but once man is exposed to the glowing, warm, wet passageway leading to the XX source, he loses all restraint. Armed with only his tiny but mighty X, he tries to take the glowing, warm, wet XX and... I'd tell you more, but this is no XXX website. The point is -- the good, pure man must stay away from the glowing, warm, wet XX, for to do otherwise would be a fate worse than death! Who will protect the good, pure man and his tiny but mighty X from the glowing, warm, wet XX? Why, Mother -- of course. Merda, Show. Your five and a half years of Daddy Issues appear but a molehill when viewed alongside Mount Mommy Issues for a mere 42 minutes. I don't know whether to congratulate you for coming to terms with your misogyny; curse you for reminding me how inadequate I've found your treatment of our female characters; or just burn my bra and be done with it, but I'm going bra so I can get on with the recap.

Once Upon A Time: A beautiful brunette woman (Lela Loren) is shipwrecked, and washes up on the sandy shores of A Mysterious Island. Her soaking wet long red gown (or as I like to think of it -- red shirt extreme) clings to her heavily pregnant form, even as it signals to us that she is not long for this world. The woman struggles inland until she finds a stream of potable water. As she sates her thirst she is startled to spot a reflection in the water. She screams when she looks up to find CJ Fricking Cregg (Allison Janney) looking, rough, tough, surly and downright scary (although to be fair, that homespun she's wearing looks itchy as Hell). The women converse in Latin because Esperanto doesn't exist yet. CJ offers a helping hand. Young Mother reluctantly accepts.

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