All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation
The Rape Caves. Mercutio returns, and Walt seems guilty about being such a little turd to him, because he gives him a hug. He tells Mercutio that Charlie hasn't spoken since he got back. Jack's trying to get Charlie to tell him what happened, but Charlie stares straight off into space and won't answer. Finally, Charlie says with a dead look in his eyes, "I didn't see anything. Hear anything. I don't remember anything." Then he adds, "All they wanted was Claire." First Liam, now Claire. Charlie's always so jealous when someone else gets all the attention!

Shannon approaches Kate and worries about her brother. "They probably made camp for the night," Kate says. "Don't worry. If there's anyone on the island your brother's safe with, it's [that weird geezer and his 400 knives]."

Hot On the Trail of Nothing. Locke and Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity are hiking up a hill in the rain. Locke denies that they're lost; "Don't you feel it?" he asks. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity finally says he's gonna head back to camp; Locke tosses him the flashlight, saying, "You need this more than I do." Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity catches like the kind of guy who runs a garters 'n' corsets business; the flashlight hits the ground with a loud metallic clank. They both look at each other, then crouch down to see what made that noise. Locke taps something with his knife and declares it steel; Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity wants to know if it could be part of the wreckage. They smear mud off the steel in an attempt to get a closer look. I squint at my shitty TV and vow to get a better TV. I see some strange symbols, but I can't tell what they are. I think they're just strange symbols of some kind.

And so the castaways learned how to function as a society, and eventually they were rescued by, oh, let's say...Moe.

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