All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation
The Rape Caves. Sawyer's getting news direct to his desktop from Walt. "Ethan took 'em, huh? And who the hell's Ethan?" he asks. Walt says Ethan wasn't on the manifest; Sawyer suggests that perhaps Ethan lied about his name. "It's stupid to lie about your name," says Walt. Wow, from the mouths of babes, huh? I can't remember the second half of that aphorism, but I bet it's ...comes subtext made text by lazy screenwriters. Sawyer summarizes, and passes critical judgment on, The Story So Far: "So a tribe of evil natives planted a ringer in the camp to kidnap a pregnant girl and a reject from VH1 Has-Beens. Fiendishly clever." Hey! Lay off! TWoP recappers commentate for VH1 Has-Beens! He also asks himself why he's getting "the evening news from a six-year-old." "I'm ten," Walt protests. "Then it must be true," snaps Sawyer. I like that he isn't particularly nice to the kid, but I sort of wish he'd take it farther and just rough Walt up for his lunch money. Walt lets slip to Sawyer that Sayid's back from his constitutional; Sawyer fails miserably at pretending to be totally uninterested.

Hot On the Trail. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, tying a red t-shirt to a tree, comments on the Red Shirt trope. "They always got killed," he says, and Locke, who admits he hasn't watched much Star Trek, says Kirk "sounds like a piss-poor captain." Heh. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity asks Locke what he does "in the real world," guessing he's "either a taxidermist or a hit man." Locke laughs and reveals that Initech is actually a bit more Outtatech than we all thought: "I was a regional collections supervisor for a box company," he says. "A box company?" asks Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. "They made boxes," Locke adds, hilariously. As he walks away, Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity shakes his head and mutters, "Yeah, right."

Hot On the Other Trail. Jack's running down a hill, Kate on his heels asking him to slow down. "I think they went this way, but I'm not as good at this as Locke is." "Where'd you pick up the tracking skills?" Jack asks disingenuously. "Was that before or after you were on the run?" "I'm trying to help, Jack," an exasperated Kate replies. "You know what might help?" Jack says. " A little honesty." Actually, Jack, Kate's honesty has no bearing on whether you are able to find Claire and Charlie, so maybe this heart-to-heart should wait for later. Nevertheless, as they trudge through the jungle, Kate tells him that her dad was in the Army and would take her on tracking trips through the Washington state forest: "Being in the woods was like his religion." Jack's dad had a religion, too! Well, not a religion so much as an addiction. He was like a chocoholic, but for booze! Speaking of which…

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