Lost
All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation
FlashJack! Our Lady of Vodka and Tonic Hospital. Jack enters his father's office and his dad offers him a stiff...greeting. His dad places a form and pen in front of Jack and motions for him to sign, saying the form contains "the truth" -- the line he wants Jack to stick to, that he and Jack did nothing wrong during the botched surgery. Jack responds with the kind of snippy passive-aggressiveness one might expect out of a six-year-old. Sorry, a ten-year-old. Jack's dad tries a number of ways to get Jack to sign the form and help him slide by on the whole drunk-surgery dealy: veiled threats, appeals to logic, flattery, and playing the family card. "I know I have been hard on you, but that is how you make a soft metal into steel," he says. "That is why you are the most gifted young surgeon in this city." A city that, from the view out the window, looks to be Honolulu, by the way, but probably is supposed to be Chicago or something. All TV hospitals are in Chicago. He finally wins Jack over with some bald-faced flattery, combined with a promise not to spill his margarita in a patient ever again. Jack signs the form and looks none too pleased about it.

Commercials. I'm writing this recap on a Friday afternoon, and boy am I sleepy. (The fact that it's pitch black outside at 4:00 in the damn afternoon doesn't help.) In the middle of the last graph I kinda dozed off and woke up to find I'd typed "that he and aJAck id noting ewong f erwfwefn." That's how totally exciting this episode is!

The Rape Caves. Sawyer menacingly wakes Sayid up, and they dodge and parry for a while, using words they like was blunt instruments. Sawyer suggests he might beat Sayid up; Sayid tells him he left the camp out of shame for what he did. "Sorry, fresh out of sweet forgiveness," Sawyer says. This is one of the scenes where the writers' tendency to add flash and filigree to Sawyer's lines doesn't serve the actors very well. Sawyer asks why Sayid comes back, and Sayid responds with a mini-recap of "Solitary.". His recap's okay; it lacks drunken jokes, but on the other hand it's way shorter than nine pages. Sawyer asks what it was that Sayid heard in the jungle on his way back, and Sayid asks, "Are you going to continue asking me questions you know I don't have the answers to?" This line manages the tricky triple feat of being a) untrue -- how the hell does Sawyer "know" what Sayid does and doesn't know?; b) baloney portentous TV-speak; and c) boring. This whole scene is boring. Boring, boring, boring, boring. I just fell asleep again, dammit, while typing the word "boring" over and over. I think the writers wanted this to be the Lost equivalent of Pacino vs. De Niro in Heat, but the scene's so overwritten, the actors barely have any room to maneuver within their lines. Let's move on. Sawyer leaves.

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Lost

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