All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation
Midsection Beach. Hugo and Walt are playing backgammon. Is this any way to utilize your most valuable leadership resource -- making him baby-sit the weird kid? Free Hurley! In college, my favorite pizza place, annoyed that customers filled their free water glasses with lemonade, posted a big sign on the soda dispenser that read, "Lemonade is NOT FREE!" We used to speculate about lemonade's tragic enslavement, and the perils faced by the heroic free-lemonade movement. Boy, that joke offered very little payoff. A wiser and soberererer man than I would delete it. Walt rolls a four and a three, apparently the exact right roll to totally kick Hugo's ass; Hugo complains that he can't believe he's losing to a kid, considering he once took seventeenth place in a backgammon tournament. Do such things exist? That seems like the kind of tournament you'd attend if you want Scrabble freaks to call you a nerd. Walt rolls double sixes, as per his own request. "No one's that lucky," Hugo says. "My dad says I'm the luckiest person he ever knew," says Walt. "Not [Mercutio]. Brian. My other dad," he adds portentously. Oh, just great. Now they're about to screw up the only characters with a semi-normal backstory. Walt wins, then offers Hugo another game, double or nothing. Hugo gets up and leaves, saying he has a meeting. "You owe me $20,000!" Walt protests, and Hugo says, "You'll get it." Heh.

By the way: We've gotten no Jin and Sun this episode, and in fact have barely seen them in the last couple of weeks, which is a shame because they're my favorite characters to recap. We had brunch this morning with our friend Denny, who speaks Korean, who asked me how the recaps are going. Well, actually, what he said was, "How's the misquoting me going?" I said it was all coming to end this week, sadly, and he completely failed to act disappointed in any way. I think he's just a little overwhelmed by the rigors of fame: tourists stopping him on the street to translate not just Korean but any foreign language; getting propositioned by complete strangers; daily death threats from the Korean Overseas Information Service. It can be tough to adapt to celebrity life for someone who previously was a mild-mannered friend of mine who just happens to speak Korean. Oh well, Denny: back into anonymity!

Hot On the Trail. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity reveals that in the real world, his mom is a wedding-planning mogul -- "the Martha Stewart of matrimony" -- and he runs one of her subsidiary companies. He also doesn't mention what Shannon does, but surely she's the company's VP of consumer relations. "It's gonna start raining in one minute," Locke says, and tells Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity he should head back. He refuses. "I admire your courage," Locke says. It starts pouring, and I counted: it's only been twenty sugar plum fairies since Locke said it would rain in a minute. "They teach you how to predict the weather at a box company?" yells Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Garters 'n' Corsets.

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