All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation
Back on the trail. Say what you want about Ethan -- he's evil, he's a kidnapper, et cetera -- but he's a man of his word. Because Jack and Kate won't stop following him, he has killed Charlie. Jack and Kate coming across Charlie's body, dangling from a noose, is a pretty freaky scene. Jack tries to support the body's weight; Kate climbs a nearby tree and frantically cuts Charlie down. I must admit, when I saw this, I had that weird, self-contradictory set of emotions one has while watching a really great TV moment. I mean, I like Charlie, and have no desire to see Dominic Monaghan forced back to his life as a gigolo, but all the same, I was impressed by the balls of the Lost people to kill Charlie off, and that made the show kind of thrilling. Jack takes off Charlie's blindfold, blows air into his mouth and pounds on his chest, once, twice, ten million times, but he's totally freaking dead. Kate's holding his hand, but he's 100% dead. Jack says "Come on, come on," but he's all the way dead. The music is sad and Hall & Oatesy again, but Charlie is dead as a dead fucking doornail. Kate finally stops Jack, who's basically landing all the punches on Charlie he couldn't land on Ethan, saying, he's gone, while Charlie lies behind them, dead as dirt. The music stops and we go to a nice sad long shot of the two of them and Charlie's totally dead corpse...but then, instead of going to a commercial, we see Jack fill with resolve and the music starts again, and uh-oh, they're about to screw this up. We get a couple of brutal shots of Jack punching Charlie some more while Kate cries, and then Charlie gasps for breath. Jack cradles him as Charlie wonders why his sternum feels so, uh, broken. The closed-captioning claims that Kate is both "sobbing" and "laughing," but I disagree. As the scene fades out, Charlie hums a snippet of the song Driveshaft recorded for a court-ordered television PSA after an unfortunate incident in a Bayswater hotel room: "There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation."

Commercials. Look, you can make all the arguments you want about how Craphole Island itself saved Charlie or whatever, but the fact is, what could've been a totally shocking, awesome TV moment turned into a cop-out. Why does Charlie's near-death need to turn into a redeeming moment for Jack, who has behaved like a moron throughout this entire episode? I certainly don't want Charlie off the show -- especially because my attractive lawyer wife spent this whole scene saying "Not Merry! You can't kill Merry!" -- but dude, Lost people: how much more interesting would the scene have been if, instead of using it as a chance for Jack to feel good about himself, you simply had Jack and Kate give up and leave Charlie for dead, only to have him gasp and sit up on his own? Spooky! Awesome! Not so hero-worshipping! Barring that, just kill the bastard. Fucking eagles will fly down from the sky and rescue him anyways.

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