Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 1 USERS: A+
You Spin Me Right Round Baby
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
Welcome back to the island (wherever it may be), and to the mainland (no matter how it may be), and to the lives of our beloved and be-hated characters (whenever they may be)! Who was it who said: "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture?" After watching my brain dribble out my ears and onto the floor (I am *so* not cleaning that up) for the past few days, I've decided to petition them to add a "...is like summarizing an episode of Lost" clause. You in?

Excellent. And so it is with few remaining brain cells, great fear, trepidation, and a smoke-monster of a deadline breathing down my neck (not to mention a fistful of tranquilizers that could lull the GOP into submission for the first half of Obama's first term) that I bring to you -- without further ado (except for that bit there, because what is the statement "without further ado" but actual and further ado...I'm just sayin'...) er...where was I? Ah, yes, I'm right on target: the fifth season premiere of Lost. Love to hate it? Hate to love it? Hate yourself for loving it? Whatever -- you know you want it bad, baby, because it hurts so good. And if you love yourself for hating it, come on over to our forum where you will find many likeminded people, but I digress... when I shouldn't because digression is the specialty of Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof and their merry band of minions, so let's get to them getting to it, shall we?

Previously on Lost. Yeah, right. I am not going there. We've got your previously on right here. Besides, it doesn't matter what happened previously. Really, it doesn't.

On the island, in the distant past... a.k.a. currently on Lost, we see an old-style "digital" alarm clock that's really analogue. When the numbers flip from 8:14 to 8:15 AM, the alarm sounds. A man slaps the off button and goes back to sleep. A baby cries and the woman (we'll decide she's his wife) tells the sleeping man that the baby is awake and it's his turn for baby duty. For crying out loud you loads, it's 8:15! That's a darned good baby. Get up and give him some breakfast. Contrary to what some people thought, the wife, although Asian, is not Sun (and looks nothing like her), and the baby is never referred to as either a girl or a boy. Despite the baby's plaintive cries of hunger, the man goes to his record player first, and starts up Willie Nelson's "Shotgun Willie" because his taste in music is sounder than his priorities. We never see the man's face as he feeds the baby (who appears to me to be Asian, despite the claims of those crackheads in the forums insisting the baby might be the ginger Charlotte). I'm also going to go out on a limb and guess the baby is a boy, or at least refer to him as such because writing the baby is getting on my nerves. Once the baby's appetite is sated, the man showers, shaves, brushes his teeth, and dresses without ever showing us his face. Meanwhile, poor Willie Nelson's gotten stuck. This used to happen with records when they got scratched, moppets. And thus it is with Willie Nelson: "Well you can't make a record, if you can't make a record, if you can't make a record, if you can't make a record, if you can't make a record, if you can't make a..." screeeiiitch. Hmmm. Seems like a clue.

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