Deus Ex Machina

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now!
Immaculate misconception

Back on the island, Dr. Jackass strolls up to Sawyer, who's still reading A Wrinkle In Time, but I suppose that if he needs glasses, it might take him a little longer. Jack points out that Sawyer's been reading a lot since they landed, and Sawyer's all, "So?" which I can identify with, since I have a stack of about thirty books that I have yet to read, and having a deserted island with plentiful food and water isn't exactly the worst thing I can think of. Of course, while I generally have an Ian Rankin with me on any given flight, Sawyer's library of books pilfered from the plane consists of, from what we know so far, A Wrinkle In Time and Watership Down. He's probably making those books last as long as possible, thought, because I imagine the only other books he managed to salvage are probably fifty copies of The Da Vinci Code. He growls at Jack, something about providing a stool sample. Jack tells him he's got "hyperopia." This freaks Sawyer out a little bit, which I'm sure was Jack's intention, at least until Jack tells him he's farsighted, a condition that develops later in life, especially when one strains them. ["If anyone cares, the farsightedness specific to aging is actually called presbyopia. In fact, it's still called that even if no one cares." -- Sars] (Farsighted is when you have difficulty seeing things up close, but can see clearly at a distance. When you see someone in a restaurant move the menu farther away from his face to read it, he's farsighted.) Sawyer seems rather chagrined, although you'd think he'd be glad that it's only farsightedness and not, you know, a tumour. Jack's got a bag of dead people's glasses with him, so he gets Sawyer to try them on one at a time, doing the ophthalmologist "Better? Or worse?" thing.

Then we see Sayid, who apparently got most of the week off, as this is his only appearance. He splits up a couple of pairs of glasses on the bridge, then welds two halves back together. For those of you blessed with perfect vision, that's because while all perfect eyeballs resemble each other, each imperfect eyeball is imperfect in its own way.

Anyway, the pair of glasses that's produced appears to have been Frankensteined together from models seen in '50s Secretary and '90s Record-Store Clerk catalogs. Hurley, happening by for his one line this week, says Sawyer looks like someone "steamrolled Harry Potter," which causes Kate to bust up laughing, like THERE SHE IS AGAIN, and how nice that all these perfect-sighted individuals think it's so hilarious that someone needs corrective lenses, and can I just say that as someone who's worn glasses or contact lenses since he was six years old that laughing at someone is exactly the way to get him to NOT wear the glasses he needs, and Dr. Jackass all smugly pats Sawyer on the back and says, "You're welcome," after humiliating him.

Boone climbs and climbs, and takes like a million years to get up onto the plane, and then carefully crawls in through the side emergency door, which he pries off and drops to the ground. He climbs inside and looks around. He finds a map of Nigeria, which I'm not sure is the biggest surprise after the discovery of the currency. Then the plane creaks and shifts somewhat, which might indicate to Boone that now's a good time to get out of the plane. Eventually the plane stops moving and Boone stops shouting. Down below, Locke struggles to his feet, and yells at Boone, asking what he sees. Boone's found a box of statues and baggies broken open. "You know what's in your damn plane, Locke?" He sticks his head out the window, holding up a foot-long statue of the Virgin Mary, of which there are several. "Here's your sign," he says, and throws it to the ground, where it breaks open and it spills its contents. "They're drug smugglers," says Boone, back inside to see what else he can find. "That's all that's in here." This would explain why so much of the regular cast is absent or appeared only briefly; they're required to keep Charlie off the set. Locke's dismayed. He sits down again, muttering that he doesn't understand.

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