Deus Ex Machina

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now!
Immaculate misconception

You know, with a whole friggin' uninhabited island to explore, with miles of pristine beach and jungle, I'm not sure why Sawyer can't go off and be by himself, especially if he's having such headaches. But he sits and scowls right by everybody, and then when some extras are banging on some sheet metal for some reason, he yells at them. And since the producers aren't shelling out for the poor extras to have lines, they just stand and stare at him instead of telling him to shove it. As usual, Kate is strolling by just waiting to stick her nose in, so she makes Sawyer get up and hustles him off to Jack in the caves.

Jack waves a pen in front of Sawyer's eyes, watching how his pupils react to changing stimuli. Kate's hanging out there for some reason, as Jack asks questions about the headaches. Sawyer even snarls at her, "Do you have to be here?" and even though the answer is "no," no one says that, like what kind of a joke doctor is Jack anyway? But it only gets worse, as Jack tells him to shut up and relax. And then he asks Sawyer more questions, about whether he's ever had a blood transfusion, or taken pills for malaria. And then, with Kate sitting right there, Jack asks if Sawyer's ever had sex with a prostitute. Kate's very keen to hear the answer to this one as well. Sawyer asks what the hell that has to do with anything, and Jack asks if that's a yes. Sawyer snarls a yes, and Kate gets all smirky, like ANY TIME YOU'D LIKE TO FUCK OFF WOULD BE FINE WITH EVERYONE, KATE. Jack asks if Sawyer's ever contracted an STD, and Sawyer doesn't answer, which Jack takes as another yes. Moving on, he asks when Sawyer's last outbreak was, and Sawyer finally stomps out of the cave. Kate, who I'm trying to figure out who she thinks she is, says, "I know he deserved it, but --" like maybe the double-crossing bank-robbing lover-killer here would like to expound a little bit more on what people "deserve," that'd be great, and Jack says Sawyer just needs glasses. Wow, from "hero" to "complex, conflicted, sympathetic human being" to "unlikable asshole" in less than a season. Well done, Jack.

So Boone and Locke are traipsing through the jungle, with Locke limping badly and Boone asking yet again what's wrong with Locke's leg. Locke says that it's just the shrapnel wound, but Boone points out that the shrapnel wound was (however improbably) in Locke's right leg, but he's now struggling with his left. And then Locke falls down again, and Boone wants to get him back to camp so he can see Jack. "Jack wouldn't know the first thing about what's wrong with me," says Locke. Which is probably true. What's more, Jack would likely be a real dick while diagnosing him, too. Locke tries to keep going, but finally flops onto his back. He comes clean with Boone and tells him that he was in a wheelchair for four years before the crash, right up until he got onto the plane. Boone wants to know what he was in a wheelchair for, and Locke says it's not important anymore. Translation: writers haven't figured it out yet. "This island, it changed me. It made me whole. Now it's trying to take it back, and I don't know why. But it wants me to follow what I saw." More jabbering about how Locke was meant to do this, that they're being led to a way to get into the hatch, but they just have to keep going. Boone caves, of course, and asks if Locke can keep going. Locke asks to be helped to his feet, which Boone does.

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