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Cindy McLennan: A+ | Grade It Now!
Well, Well

Camp Faucke: Faucke returns to a waiting Sayid who asks, "How's our friend?" Faucke: "We don't have to worry about him anymore." Sayid walks off, giving Sawyer a chance to play the long-suffering wife. "Where have you been?" Faucke takes a swig from his canteen and then: Out for a walk, bitch. "I went for a walk, James." Sawyer starts in on him, but is stopped short by the sight of Hurley walking through the trees. "Son of a bitch."

Why did the chicken addict cross the jungle at night? To get to the other side. Hurley walks up to Faucke and says, "Um, hey. [...] I don't know who you are or what you want, dude, but we have to talk to you." Faucke finds the we interesting. Hurley nods back towards the trees. "The other people with me. The thing is, you've got weapons. And we've got weapons. I don't want anyone to get hurt or killed. So, we're not going to do anything, and I want your word that you're not going to do anything, either." Faucke looks to his loyal Fauckers (and Kate and Sawyer) and then back at Hurley, before he takes out his knife, flips it around, and hands it over. "You have my word." And at that, out comes Sun, Frank, and then finally Jack. Sun looks devastated when she doesn't see Jin. Kate smiles warmly at Jack, but he's soon distracted by Faucke's "Hello, Jack." They stare at each other until we cut to...

Sideways: Desmond ends up in the parking lot of the high school where Benjamin Linus teaches and John Locke is the substitute. Ben approaches Des, concerned that he's a pedophile, scoping out new prey. Des lies with the truth -- he's checking out schools for his son, Charlie (awwwww). After all, it's no under-age co-ed, but rather the wheelchair-bound Locke who has caught his eye. Once Ben moves off, Desmond puts the car in gear and rams right into Locke, who flies out of his chair and lands splat on the pavement. As Locke lies twitching and suffering, maybe even dying -- and almost certainly having an island-laden near-death experience -- Des drives off. Ben rushes to his side and hollers for someone to call 9-1-1. Some day we'll look back on this, and it will all seem funny. DUN! Bad Robot.

Des's face as he drove off was so lacking in anything approaching warmth, concern or even guilt. Is he just a man on a mission to get back to his real life, his wife, and his son? Does he know he's just been thrown down a well in another life? Is he trying to give Locke a near death experience? Will the trauma somehow land Locke on Dr. Jack Shephard's operating table? Oh my word, I can't even think, because 75% of my brain is still standing at the edge of that well back on Craphole, yells, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE BLOODY WELL, DESMOND?" Also, who is Boy? Is he Aaron? Is he Jacob? Is he Smokey? Is he all of them? Did original, institutionalized, mousy-haired Libby see these realities when she was in Santa Rosa, way back when? Is it just the drugs talking, or is Kate into Jack again? Do I care? Should I? Help. Someone get me a paper bag. I'm hyperventilating. The wee remains of Jacob holler out from my ashtray, "Oh just sit back and enjoy the ride." Okay, my wee ashen one, I will. I have to say though, I'm sorry to see Ilana go. She just earned her keep (with me, anyhow) back in "Dr. Linus," and now she's gone. Who will the island be done with, next? And what, for the love of cheese curds, is going through Sideways' Locke's brain, right about now? The more I think, the more questions I have, so I'm going to leave this here, for now.

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