Episode Report Card
LuluBates: C+ | 2 USERS: D-
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Nikki is running through the jungle. ... Wait. What? Who is Nikki? ... Nikki. You know, blondish. Hispanic-ish. There are only forty or so survivors, how could you not know who she is? She's been here the whole time. No, I'm not joking. I swear! She's a little shy. A little wallflower hiding in the background for the last two and a half seasons. Not wanting to get involved. Just a wee shrinking violet content to remain in the shadows of the palm trees and blue tarps on the beach. No, really. She was there. You just weren't looking hard enough. Just shut up and accept it, okay? Geez. So where was I? Oh, right: Nikki is running. She is running fast. She looks like she just ran off the set of Personal Best. What, you didn't see her in that either? She was there! Running right next to Mariel Hemingway. Really. I swear! So Nikki is running through the jungle. She throws herself to the ground and buries something in the dirt. She stumbles as she gets up, grabs her bag, and runs head-on into a flashback.

Ooh, this is interesting -- we are in a strip club. Tee hee! I'm blushing. An announcer intones, "Ladies and gentlemen, now appearing on stage three is The Pride of St. Paul." I was expecting a stripper done up just like the St. Pauli girl with a leather dirndl and beer steins covering her hoo-hahs. Or at least dressed like Prince (the other Pride of St. Paul). But apparently the Pride of St. Paul is a stripper in a white mini trench and newsboy cap stage-named Corvette. It is, of course, Nikki. She dances around in a pretty sparkly bikini until some sketchy guy with a ponytail and suitcase walks in. Is a skeevy dude with a ponytail supposed to be out of place in a strip club? Corvette gives the guy the stank-eye as he makes his way into a back office. She re-dons her trench and marches into the office. She quickly sizes up the situation and yells at a chair wearing a hat, "No! That's the money for the orphanage! That means, Mr. Leshade, you're The Cobra!" The chair wearing a hat turns around slowly and holy Lando! it's Billy Dee Williams. He says it is nothing personal, just business. Corvette is in shock. She can't believe it was him the whole time! Billy Dee Williams then declares that she is pretty and smart. Too bad she has to die! The man with the ponytail pulls out a gun. Corvette yells, "Razzle dazzle!" and kicks the gun out of his hand. "Razzle dazzle"? Is that like when Jem and the Holograms would yell "Synergy!"? Or is it just some cool stripper argot that I don't know?

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