Episode Report Card
Daniel: C- | 2 USERS: A
It's Time To Switch To Whisky, We've Been Drinking Beer All Night

Desmond's despondently walking down the street. He doesn't look as happy as you'd think someone who got an engagement ring for free would. He passes by an Armed Forces recruitment office, and a poster catches his eye. Too bad the prop department couldn't foresee the need for a Scottish poster to promise "Honour" instead of "Honor." In addition to the "honor," the Armed Forces promises adventure. Also, "Become a man you can be proud of," it tells Desmond. Desmond rubs his head. How the hell is he going to explain to Penny that he's lost his appetite for lobster because he was stuffing his face with chestnuts with a crazy old lady?

Fortunately, he's managed to at least paste a smile on as he waits along the Thames for Penny, who strolls up and kisses him. They walk past some dude with a souvenir photography stand who exhorts them to get their picture taken. Desmond declines, and the photographer tries saying that it'll be something to show the grandkids, which perks Penny up: "Oh, come on, Des. Let's do it. For all those grandkids," she jokes.

And instead of the magnificence of the Thames and the Parliament buildings and Big Ben in the background, for some reason the photographer has a series of chintzy pull-down backdrops like a desert and the Alps. Maybe it's a reverse-tourist thing -- Desmond and Penny see Big Ben all the time, so what do they need that in the background of the photo for. Also, there needs to be some way to get the marina into the backdrop of Desmond's picture with Penny, right?

Desmond and Penny get into place, with Penny telling Des to take his coat off, what with all the palm trees at the marina. The photographer snaps the picture, and Penny hands over five quid while Desmond walks away, fixated on the photo, which took all of about two seconds to develop. "I couldn't go through with this," he says to himself. "What was that?" asks Penelope, joining him. He looks at her: "I can't do this." Can't do what, Penelope wants to know. "Us. This. This relationship," says Desmond. Penny has no idea what he's on about, and Desmond starts yammering about how he can't look after her: "I haven't got a job. I don't have any -- I can't even afford five quid for a bloody photograph. You deserve someone better," he says. God, please stop whining, Desmond. You turned down a job. Penny has a job (I think?). She certainly has money. She doesn't need to be taken care of. I can't figure out if this is Desmond being actually unable to stop what happens, or if this is him just giving in to the idea that he can't stop it from happening. Penny says she knows what she deserves, and that she chooses to be with Desmond. "I love you," she says. "Love's not enough. Being a good man is not enough," says Desmond. Penny just wants to know where this is coming from. "It's all happening too soon -- you moving in. You're painting rooms; you're changing things. I don't even like red," he says. Maybe it's just Desmond's fate to be a commitmentphobe? He asks why she'd leave her expensive flat, and fortunately she finally slaps him, because she thinks he's pretending not to care: "Don't you dare rewrite history," she snaps, reminding out that she left her flat because he was too proud to live there. I keep waiting for the photographer to tiptoe up and ask them to move their lover's spat further down the river because they're killing his couples business.

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