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Cindy McLennan: A+ | Grade It Now!
Ob La Di, Ob La Da Life Goes On, Brothah
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

There is no "Previously, on Lost," sequence this week, so I'll take this opportunity to note that I completely screwed myself six ways from Sunday, by writing such a long, detailed recaplet. If I were writing for my own site, I'd just say, "Look, there's no full recap this week, because the recaplet was recap enough." I hope this one works for you, for me, and for Tubey. You ready? Okay.

Hydra Island; Camp Widmore: Desmond wakes in the Hydra Island medical station, after Zoe gives him a shot to counteract the effects of three days worth of sedation. Right now, three days of sedation sounds better than three days vacation, but that's my life, not Desmond's. Gee, Zoe has awfully blue eyes. What if she's David Shephard's mother? After all, the former Mrs. Jack was just recently out of town. Of course that was in 2004 in the Sideways Reality, so I guess 'recently' doesn't apply to the Island, where, it's 2007 (or even 2008). I don't think I like this theory anyhow. I want Jack's ex to be someone who has always been significant to the Jack we've known these past six seasons.

ANYhow, Zoe explains that Des isn't in the hospital -- that he had to be moved. She wisely omits the where of it all, so Desmond demands to see Penny. Charles Widmore appears, tells Zoe he'll take it from here, and informs Des that he can't possibly see Penny right now. Charles reminds Des he was shot by Ben Linus and assures him that Penny and wee Charlie Hume are safe. And then? He tells Des where he is? Upon learning he's been brought back to Craphole (actually, Craphole-Adjacent) Desmond beats the shite out of Widmore with an I.V. pole. Hurrah! Two random Widmorons pull a screaming and kicking Des off of Widmore, as Widmore cautions them to be careful with Des. When Desmond orders Charles to take him back, Charles says he can't. "The island isn't done with you, yet." A reality away, Eloise Hawking points and laughs.

Out in the corridor, Jin asks Widmore why Desmond is there. Charles says it's easier to show than tell him. He instructs Zoe to take Jin to the generator room. "I'll be along with Hume, so we can start the test." Zoe argues that the test isn't scheduled 'til tomorrow. Charles knows when it's scheduled, but orders her to ready everything now. I can't help but think of when she grabbed Jin early, which prompted Widmore to have to meet up with Faucke early. Last week, I couldn't decide if there was a continuity/timeline error between Sayid's episode, and Jin and Sun's. Details are here. I'm now much closer to sure that there was no error. It seems that events in one reality are having a ripple effect on the other reality. The Sideways Reality is bleeding into the Craphole Reality, and vice versa. You'll see what I mean.

There's a trouble with a technical whatzit, so Baby Face sends RedShirt Simmons (frequent Lost stunt double John Arthur) out to the shed to check the circuits on the solenoids. Once RedShirt is gone, Baby Face leans in toward a cage and addresses its occupant, an albino bunny named Angstrom (or perhaps Updike's Angstrom, but my money's on the former). "Guess what, Angstrom. You're going in there, next." My 11-year-old interrupts, even though she knows that means death, to say, "Mommy, these writers have Daddy Issues and Bunny Issues." Out of the mouths of babes. Anyhow, while RedShirt is out in the shed, fooling with a ginormous electro-magnetic donut thing, back in the generator room, a Widmoron finds a bad breaker, and fixes it. He turns it on before Zoe and Baby Face can stop him. On the monitors they watch as Poor RedShirt Simmons snaps, crackles and pops. Zoe, Baby Face and Jin run out to the shed, but it's too late. RedShirt Simmons has sizzled to a crisp, and is forever memorialized in the TWoP recaplet (that's more of a recap) as Guy Fried.

Just then Chuckles walks up to the shed. If he sees Guy Fried, he doesn't let that harsh his mellow. "Zoe, are we ready?" Desmond, being restrained just behind Chuckles, struggles and shouts. Title Card.

Theme Song!

The Widmorons drag Guy Fried out of the shed. Widmore stops them so he can examine the latest in a long line of sacrifices required by Craphole (and now, apparently, Craphole-Adjacent). Chuckles seems more bitterly resigned than indifferent to Guy Fried's fate. Once he's gotten an eyeful, Widmore covers the corpse back up and instructs his lackeys to take it away and bring Desmond inside the Shock Shed. Desmond fights his captors, but he's outmanned. They strap him into a chair, and make sure he has no metal on him (keys, chains). I've yet to see a pair of jeans that doesn't have a metal zipper in the fly. Now it's dark, but it looks to me like Des is wearing jeans.

Once Des is all tied up, Charles says that he knows how this looks, but if everything he's been told about Des is true, then Des will be fine. He hates to resort to forcing this "test" on Desmond. "But once it's over, I am going to ask you to make a sacrifice, and I hope for all our sakes you'll help me." Des asks Widmore what the bloody hell he knows about sacrifice. Widmore: "My son died here, for the sake of this island. Your wife -- my own daughter -- hates me. And I've never even met my grandson. But if you won't help me Desmond, all of it will be for nothing. Penny, your son, and everyone else will be gone...forever." With that, he turns his back on Des and exits the shed. Des screams, struggles, knocks over his chair, breaks it, and climbs the wall of the shed, trying to find a way out. Jin sees it all via monitor. When Widmore returns to the generator room, Jin lays down the law. He's not helping with anything unless he knows what's going on. Widmore tells him that Des is the only person in the world known to have survived a catastrophic electromagnetic event. "I need to know he can do it again, or we all die." That makes me think Desmond is EVERYONE'S constant. Widmore then addresses his crew: "Turn it on."

Baby Face hits the switch. Zoe monitors stuff. Back in the shed, Des tries to kick his way out. Once the whatzit is at full power, Widmore pulls the hesitant Baby Face away from the controls and mans them, himself. He pulls down the gear. Over in the shed, the donut glows like a portal to a hell dimension. Oh wait, there are two donuts. They both start sparking or arcing or whatever it is that electro-magnetic hell dimension portal donuts do. Des stands between them screaming, "Let me out y'bastards!" Back in the generator room, we see a funky computer generated diagram of what's going on in the shed. There are EMF readings below it. Over at some control panel, there's a Gauss meter that's pinned in the red zone. The tag over it reads, "Magnetic Flux Density." Next week, the part of Desmond will be played by Michael J. Fox. Back in the shed, Desmond is caught up in the spell electro-magnetic activity. He shakes. He rattles. He rolls. He hokeys. He pokeys. The reading audience is enraptured by my deep commitment and mad skillz when recapping action sequences. He starts to keel. Is it? Yes. He's doing the Electric Slide. We cut to a shot of fluffy clouds in a brilliant blue sky.

Sideways: Desmond's face is reflected in the Oceanic arrivals board which reports that Oceanic Flight 815 arrived from Sydney at 10:42 AM, at gate 8. There's no information in the "claim" column though, so Des isn't sure where to pick up his luggage. Hurley passes by and recognizes Des from the flight, so he tells him their bags are on carousel 4. At the baggage pick-up, Des helps a struggling Claire with her suitcase. They chit chat a little. He asks if she knows the sex of her baby. She doesn't. Des says, "Well, you're braver than I. I'm not a big fan of surprises." After he gets his bag, he offers Claire a ride -- since she's having trouble finding the people who are supposed to be picking her up. Continuing her streak of stunning bad choices in every reality, Claire politely refuses, sure her ride must be there, somewhere. They exchange parting words, but then Des turns back. "A boy." Claire: "What?" Des: "Bet it's a boy."

Sidebar: I'm really disappointed that the writers haven't had Original Recipe Jack show more interest in, concern for, conflict regarding, or active avoidance of Claire. I don't care what his reaction is, just that he has one. I think it's been a wasted opportunity.

Des is met by his driver, George Minkowski ( Fisher Stevens), who asks if he wants to check into his hotel. Des wants to get right to the office, though. George offers to get him anything he wants while he's in L.A. -- including lovely ladies of questionable repute. Consider the man your speaking to, George. Get a load of his accent. Does he look like he needs a hooker?

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