I Do

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now!
First Do Not That Much Harm
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

In television's traditional guess-the-character style of opening, we follow a brunette from an elevator into a hotel hallway. The logical answer is that it's Kate. Which made me think it wasn't Kate. But then as she opens the door to room 752, she looks back over her shoulder. It's Kate, all right, but with a frillier haircut than we're used to seeing.

Inside the hotel room, Kate opens up the box she carried in with her. It's a wedding veil. Presumably acquired from a safe-deposit box in a daring daylight bank robbery.

There's a knock on the door, and someone calling himself the police explains that they have reason to believe there's someone dangerous in the hotel and they're doing a room-to-room search. Kate acts all shifty, saying she's fine, emphasizing she's alone, and the cop says someone could be holding her at gunpoint, forcing her to say that, so she has to let him in. "I don't think I should," says Kate, almost smiling, and the cop says she has two seconds before he breaks the door down, and just as you're thinking, "Holy shit! Calm down, Officer Sledge Hammer!" it occurs to you that she probably knows this alleged cop.

Sure enough, she opens the door, and standing there is Nathan Fillion, who IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM LOOKS LIKE JASON BATEMAN SO FIREFLY FANS CAN STOP SENDING ME EMAILS NOW GOD. And he's wearing a cop uniform. "Hey. Wanna get it on?" he says, so I guess the fantasy role-playing is over and the rutting can begin. Kate smiles and jumps on him, and fortunately the two of them go back into the hotel room instead of just doing it right there in the corridor, but it looked close there for a moment.

A sleeping Kate wakes up in her cage on Craphole Island's Alcatraz, and her smile fades when she realizes she is not in fact doing the guy from Firefly but sleeping in a bear cage across from a guy who woke her up by half-heartedly throwing rocks at the food-pellet machine, forcing it make clanking noises and say, "Warning!" She says she thought he needed to pull the lever. Clearly, he's intentionally not doing it right, and he snaps at her to that effect. She asks him to get her a fish biscuit, and he snarls at her for that too, like what a joy it must be to be locked up with Sawyer. "What, you trying to keep me feeling productive?" says Sawyer, who as we all know likes nothing more than working his ass off for other people. Kate just looks half-pissed, half-concerned.

Juliet and Ben enter Jack's cell (or at least, enter the room on the other side of the wall). Jack's studying X-rays and blood tests. He asks how old the X-rays are. "A week," she says. "The tumor on your spine is borderline inoperable," Jack tells Ben, adding that the window of opportunity closes in about a week. "Oh," says Ben, doing his best not to look as shocked as he clearly feels. Jack asks if the operating room he was in is fully equipped. Juliet says it is. Really? We know it's got no defibrillator, sweetie. Jack mentions anesthesia and wants to make sure the room is sterile, and Juliet says yes. "You need to be in surgery yesterday," says Jack, kind of like how Michael's raft needed to set sail yesterday. Juliet and Ben look at each other, thinking that Jack is agreeing to do the surgery. "Whatever you need, it's yours. I'm ready," says an elated Ben, and Jack just chuckles and says Ben misunderstood him: "I didn't say I was going to do it. I just wanted you to know how you're going to die." Go, Jack! "You think I believe you people? You think I trust you? You think I'm just going to do the surgery and HOPE you let me go?" Juliet tries to calm a growingly irate Jack, who throws the charts and tests at the glass and points really hard at her and says, "Don't!"

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