…In Translation

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B | Grade It Now!
Married people never talk anymore

Cut to Jin delivering the message. No, really. He repeats it word for word. Byung Han, who looks like he was expecting a less verbal, more violent form of communication, is so relieved, he gives Jin his daughter's puppy in gratitude. But you know what's really relevant about this scene? It's that Byung Han's daughter is watching television, and the person she's watching on television...is Hurley. No, really. It's Hurley on the television. HURLEY. Our Man of the Mellow himself. And now, having established that it's Hurley on the TV screen in the background, we can move on to other, ancillary details like how it seemed like Jin hated his job even before it dawned on him that his father-in-law was not perhaps the most scrupulous businessman in South Korea.

Back in the present, Boone is gazing upon the fire and thinking, "You know what would have made Flowers in the Attic even more awesome? If Chris and Cathy had stayed in the attic forever and ever." Unfortunately, he's distracted from imagining how V.C. Andrews's body of work might have been forever altered. Sayid comes over, and Boone snots, "What do you want?" Sayid says he'd like to talk about Shannon, because "It's very possible your sister and I are going to become more than just friends." Boone tries to channel Sawyer with, "What is this, some Middle Eastern thing? You want my blessing?" Sayid pokes a hole in that balloon with, "My hope is you won't object." Boone continues to sulk, and Sayid continues to put him in his place with, "I was extending a courtesy, not asking permission." As he walks off, Sawyer says, "Let me tell you about my sister. She likes older men -- guys that can take care of her. My guess is, in this place, you fit the bill. She'll make you feel like the greatest guy ever while you get her food, whatever it is she needs. And once she gets what she wants, she'll move on. When she does, don't take it personally, man." Kidding! Sawyer didn't say any of that. BOONE did. I am occasionally capable of telling one scruffy beta-dog from the other. Sayid merely looks thoughtful instead of pointing out that maybe Boone can stop looking down on Shannon for clinging to older men when he himself peels off of Locke's backside.

In the cool light of morning, we see that Jin's been sleeping outside all night, and he's waking up to a fabulous valley view. It's amazing how some people can't take a step in the jungle without being beset by boars, polar bears, or members of Tom Cruise's family, while others can bunk out in the great wide open without worry. Jin wakes up with a start, looks around. Then he warily makes his way down to a stream, where he attempts to wash his hands. This is made considerably more difficult by Sawyer coming up behind him and kicking him in the kidneys. Poor Jin -- he gets asked to pee on people's legs, walloped in the chest by rocks, kicked in the side by Sawyer. I feel for the guy. I bet they're not this barbaric in the year 2525.

Commercials. You know, I can't shake the suspicion that Blind Justice was pitched as a practical joke. ["But you've gotta love my man Eldard for delivering dialogue that ripe with a straight face." -- Sars]

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