Live Together, Die Alone

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | Grade It Now!
If you don't know Des by now, you will never, never, never know him.
So, as if Ana-Lucia and Libby's funeral wasn't crappy enough already, it's completely forgotten now that there's a slow boat to Craphole Island making its way in on the surf. This has the effect of preventing people from speaking in complete sentences. "Rescued?" says Charlie. "Saved?" he adds, or maybe it was someone else, like a redshirt playing some weird word-association game, or just adlibbing a line to get him one step closer to his SAG card.

Jack, Sayid and Sawyer hit the water, with Sayid and Sawyer removing their shirts, all the better to make their way through the surf and onto the boat and also on desktop wallpapers everywhere. "Maybe it's a trap," says Charlie. Oh, sure -- after his "Rescued? Saved?" got everyone worked up, now he wonders about the wisdom of swimming out all willy-nilly? Well, I guess it's not his ass on the line.

Larry, Moe and Curly board the boat, and draw their guns. Armed men board a boat without invitation. Doesn't that make you guys pirates? They make their way over to the hatch that leads below deck, and they can hear through one of those periscopey pipe things some sort of aria. Suddenly, the door is being ventilated -- by rifle shots. The stooges take cover, until they hear the click-click of the un-ammoed gun-toter. "Dammit!" comes a thick Scottish brogue, which only means one thing. Sure enough, Jack kicks in the door, and the three of them all point their guns down the hole -- at Desmond, crying and lying on the floor, listening to music and clutching a rifle. He glances up at them, takes a swig from the well-used bottle of booze he's holding. "You," he says, and he begins to laugh. We're in for a comedy riot tonight.

Darkness has fallen on Craphole Beach, and a group of anxious Lostaway Extras are haranguing Kate, until she says she'll be right back, and she walks over to where Jack is, like the Lostaway Extras are not allowed to approach his eminence? And she says everybody needs to know what's going on. He tells her to calm down and relax until he finds out the rest. And then he makes up a cockamamie plan that will require the use of a boat that could potentially be their ticket off this deserted island.

He brings some food to Desmond, who declines it in favor of the liquid supper he's enjoying. Jack complains that when Desmond ran off, he didn't say anything about still having a sailboat. Well, maybe he was just waiting for it to come up in conversation! Jack wants to know why he came back. Desmond cracks up, and asks if Jack thinks this was intentional. This ain't intentional, this is supposed to be Fiji, explains Desmond. But it was just this island again. "And you know why? Because this is it. This is all there is left. This ocean and this place here. We are stuck in a bloody snow globe!" he yells, and rants about there being no outside world. He rejects the food Jack offers, because he just wants to drink. Trying to figure out this show lately, I don't blame him. Sayid strolls up, and Jack acknowledges him with a quick nod and stands up. Desmond asks if Jack's still pushing it. Jack laughs, and says they're still pushing it. P-push it real good! Awesomely, we just saw the name "Clancy Brown" in the credits.

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