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Daniel: C+ | Grade It Now!
During the Locke-down, John needs a little Gale force

Sawyer's shuffling, so we'll be in for some thrilling card-playing action in a moment. He asks Jack where he learned to play cards. "Phuket," says Jack, after thinking a moment, like either he's lying or he considered lying. "What the hell were you doing in Thailand?" says Sawyer, and Jack's all surprised that Sawyer knows where Phuket is, I guess, because he doesn't respond right away. "Just because I dropped out in ninth grade don't make me an idiot," says Sawyer. Although it gave you a bit of a chip on your shoulder, apparently. As he deals out the cards, Sawyer chats up Jack about being a world traveler and asks if that's where he got his tattoo. Jack ignores this to ask Sawyer to deal again. "This time from the top of the deck," says Jack. Sawyer's momentarily surprised to have been caught, despite his chatty misdirection, and then just says he had to try.

Down in the hatch, Locke's explaining to Henry about the alarm that goes off every 108 minutes. Because despite having been down there a few days now, HENRY HAS APPARENTLY NOT HEARD THE ALARM. Locke's saying that it's going to go off soon, so Henry has to go up through the grate and into the vents. Henry says, "Grate's bolted shut. I tried it." What Henry does not say is, "So you know of another way out of this room, and yet you tried to slide underneath a heavy blast door being propped open by a flimsy toolbox?" So anyway, Locke gives him the numbers, and Henry's able to rattle 'em off after only hearing them once. So either he's good with numbers, or he already knows these numbers. And if he already knows these numbers, he's kind of stupid for appearing to get them down suspiciously easily.

So in the pantry, Henry climbs up on one of the shelves and has to reach to push at the grate. Locke needlessly tells him to be careful, which is the cue for the shelf Henry's stepping on to collapse, pitching him to the floor, hitting his head on the way down and losing consciousness. Locke yells Henry's name, but he's out. And the timer starts to beep as we go to commercial, so it's almost like watching 24, but without the action.

Is there anything more pointless than watching poker instead of playing it? Have you tried, like I have, to figure out why exactly it's being broadcast on a so-called sports channel? I used to have a theory that if you can smoke while you're doing it, it's not a sport, but -- I mean, let's be honest here: baseball. So I modify that slightly: maybe your ability to light up while doing it doesn't disqualify it, but if smoking doesn't make you worse at it, then it's not a sport.

Oh, here's something more pointless than watching poker: watching, through binoculars, Jack and Sawyer playing poker for mangos, when you can't even see the cards or anything. Thanks for coming out, Hurley. So Jack bets 10 mangos, and Sawyer calls with the aspirin and a bottle of amoxicillin. "Do you even know what amoxicillin is?" says Jack. Look, if it's in an Eminem lyric, you probably don't need a medical degree, Jack. Sawyer says that Jack may have been to Phuket, but he's been to Tallahassee: "Let's just say something was burning and it wasn't from the sunshine." Wow. This show hates Tallahassee, huh? Although I'm going to theorize that this episode's mention is a big ol' middle finger to complaints about the first time Tallahassee was referenced. Not that I wouldn't love to sit around with Sawyer while he's joking about his various drips and discharges or anything. Fun guy. Anyway, Jack seems to consider his play, and then says he's all in. "Well, that's the move of a man who wants me to lay it down," says Sawyer, but Jack says Sawyer's not going to do that. "I'm not, huh? Why's that?" Jack points out the crowd of people who I can't believe, even on Craphole Island, have nothing better to do than long-distance poker-watching, and says, "Because there's a bunch of people watching us right now and you don't want them to see you lose. Again." Sufficiently goaded, Sawyer calls. Jack shows his cards. "Pair a nines? You pushed in with a pair of nines?" he says, indignantly. You'd think that a poker player who knows how to bottom-deal would have encountered some bluffing before now, but there you have it. Smiling, Jack asks to see Sawyer's cards. He's got a pair of fives. That's not Jack's fault, but Sawyer calls him a son of a bitch. Jack gets up to leave, and says he'll be back for the meds later. Sawyer asks him why he didn't play for the guns instead, and Jack, instead of just pointing out that he's a doctor, has to say, "When I need the guns, I'll get the guns."

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