Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 1 USERS: A+
The petty details of so-and-so's life

Outside the meeting, Locke struggles in vain to light a cigarette, because when your dad stole your kidney, you can't even use a lighter properly, that's how much your life will suck. He throws the cigarette away in frustration. Katey strolls up to him, and I have to confess that I didn't recognize her, given that her hair was piled on top of her head, and she didn't have one giant eye, and she...um...all right, I've never seen Eight Simple Rules for Pretending Our Show Will Go On After John Ritter Dies, so I can't complete that sentence. It was when she started to speak that I knew who she was. She says tossing the cigarette is a good idea, because if he gets kidney cancer, he's only got the one. "That's funny," he says.

They start to walk, and Locke apologizes for ruining her meeting, and she says he just said what she's always thought anyway, adding that most of the time she wants to stand up and shout, "Get over it, freaks!" and Locke asks why she doesn't, and instead of saying, "Well, I'm not a dick," she says that she likes to keep a cork in it, because once she gets all "hot and bothered" there's no stopping her. Um, is she even talking about the meeting anymore? "Guess you won't be coming back next week ," she says regretfully. Locke figures not. "Too bad. I like bald guys," she says. "I'm not bald," Locke says, delusionally. "I can wait," fires back Katey. Nice one. Locke smiles. Katey introduces herself as Helen, and Locke does likewise (except, uh, you know, as "Locke").

Cut back to Desmond still pointing the gun at Locke, down in the hatch-hole. Jack yells again, "Where's Kate?" and then we see Kate crawling along the ducts again, only given that this is our first Mama Cass-free episode this season, I can't believe they didn't hear her clunking along. She finds another air duct, and drops down into a dark room. She finds the door, and slides it open several inches. The light lets her see that she's in Desmond's walk-in armaments closet, so she grabs a shotgun and loads it up. Our fugitive knows how to use one of those, too. She creeps up behind Desmond, then sponks him in the back of the head. Desmond's rifle goes off, firing wide, as he crumples to the floor. Jack scrambles over to the prone Desmond, pointing his gun and telling him not to move. When Locke says, "Jack, don't," pointing out that Desmond is now unarmed, Jack yells, "He just had a gun pointed at your head!" Desmond lifts his head, and sees that his shot appears to have hit the Apple II. "What did you do?" he whispers. Jack looks up, sees the bullet hole in the computer casing. "We're all going to die," says Desmond. Kate and Locke look suitably alarmed. So Desmond says it again. Should have spoiler-tagged that, Desmond.

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