Pilot, Part II

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: A | Grade It Now!
The Second Time Is Always the Sweetest Time (For Rammin')
Hurley: What, that?
Jin: (The natural enzymes present in sea urchin will make you a more powerful lover! Eat this and no person with whom you have sex will ever be unsatisfied again!)
Hurley: What, eat that?
Jin: (Please eat this sea urchin off my bare chest!)
Hurley: Dude, I'm starving, but I'm nowhere near that hungry.

Walt's looking at a comic book. The page he's looking at features a picture of a polar bear, which is a nice gag thrown in by the director. Or, of course, if could mean that WALT IS A PSYCHIC MIRACLE CHILD WHO CAN CREATE ANIMALS OUT OF THIN AIR BY THINKING ABOUT THEM AND HE THOUGHT OF THE POLAR BEAR AND A POLAR BEAR APPEARED AND THE ISLAND IS ACTUALLY A HOME FOR PSYCHIC CHILDREN, LIKE HOGWARTS, EXCEPT FOR WITH PSYCHICS!!!!!! Sorry, sorry, lost control for a second.

"That comic's in Spanish," Mercutio says, surprised. "You read Spanish?" Walt says he found it. Walt and his dad clearly don't know each other very well, as will be confirmed later on when Walt chats with Locke. Mercutio also doesn't have a knack for fathering yet, as he manages to say about the worst thing you can possibly say to a kid who can't find his dog: "I'll get you another dog." As Walt stalks away, you can see Mercutio tallying yet another negative mark on his Good Dad score sheet:

Successfully conceiving child +100  
Being absent for first ten years of child's life   -1000
Being absent at illness and death of child's mother   -500
Booking child on ill-fated flight   -5000
Briefly losing child in jungle   -50
Finding child in jungle +50  
Telling child you'll buy him a new dog   -50

Long way to go to break even, Mercutio's downcast look says.

Jack asks Hurley to go through bags and look for medication, "especially drugs that end in '-miacin' and '-cillin.' Those are antibiotics." Meanwhile, Charlie's a little ways off the beach, self-medicating with a little of the ol' Horsicillin. His goofy gray-and-black striped shirt make him look like a convict from O Brother, Where Art Thou? And as we're being asked to believe that Charlie got the heroin out of the toilet he didn't have a chance to flush pre-crash, I am confused vis-à-vis the geography of Charlie's final moments on the airplane. In Charlie's flashback, we saw him walk most of the way to the front of the plane before doubling back, into business class apparently, and getting into a bathroom there. He dropped the heroin and then, as the plane went into a dive, managed to crawl to the nearest seat behind the bathroom and strap himself in. He didn't seem to crawl particularly far -- three or four feet at the most -- before he found a seat. So how is it that he found his heroin in the first-class bathroom just three feet away from the cockpit? He couldn't have been in that bathroom, could he? Because if he had, he would've strapped himself into a first-class seat, and then instead of seeing him walking around snorting smack, we'd have seen his furry hobbit corpse in the front section of the plane. Right? Someone explain to me in the forums why I'm wrong. If your explanation is convincing enough, I won't ban you.

Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, approaches his sister, who's staring at a corpse and sniffling away. Aw, now she's gonna go all soft on us? That ruins the point of a pricelessly bitchy character! I only want to watch Shannon stare at a corpse and cry if it's Dynasty-style fake crying, employed to convince another character that she really cares. Fake crying is distinguishable from real crying by the covert devilish grin seen over the other person's shoulder during the scene-ending reassuring hug.

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