Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
I Will Be Your Father Issues
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
We spend the next hour caught up in the maelstrom that is Miles Straume's daddy issues, which are all caught up in everyone else's daddy issues, so put on your life jackets, hold on tight, and prepare to get dizzy. Currently on Lost there is no Previously, on Lost, but there's always a Previously, on Lost on TWoP. Now take a deep breath, because we're diving in.

We open on a close shot of an older model microwave oven; its clock reads 3:16. As a woman's hand opens and closes the oven door, a man's voice says that "it comes fully equipped." If it didn't, you'd have to install your own cavity magnetron, Ma'am, and you know what a bitch that can be. The camera zooms out and we see the man is talking to Lara (played by Leslie Ishii). You know who I mean, the Asian woman who never looked anything like Sun, except for being female, of Asian extraction and brunette. The one who was sharing Dr. Pierre Chang's bed in the season premiere and slept in while he got up with their baby at 8:15 AM -- the baby who was never, ever supposed to be the redheaded, blue-eyed Charlotte Staples Lewis, no matter what the crackheads in the forums thought, because that baby was always supposed to be our very own Miles Straume. Like the rest of the internet, I was all set to crow that I had "called it" (don't you hate that) during the season premiere, except that it seems I didn't call it in writing until episode 5-4 (even though I totally called it in my living room that first night; you should have been here; it was so wicked pissa, like calling things often is).

The woman runs the water in the sink as the man tells her the place is "a steal at $400." Instead of responding, she looks out into the hallway and back at the landlord (per IMDB.com, the character's name is Trevor, and he's played by Tim De Zarn), so he asks if she has to check with her husband. She says, "It's just me," and then a little boy's voice calls out, "Mommy," so Mommy makes her oh-shit face. It's wee Miles (Lance Ho) and he is precious. He asks for a quarter for the vending machine, because his love of money has been a lifelong affair. Lara reminds him she told him to wait by the pool. What mother tells their little kid to wait by a pool? Alone. I mean what is he -- seven or eight years old, tops? The landlord gets shirty with her. "I thought you said it was 'just me'?" She meant her husband is "out of the picture." It's just her and her son. The landlord doesn't know about renting to them. Most of the other tenants don't like noise (so some do?). Is that even legal -- to refuse to rent to a family? Anyhow, Lara promises that her boy is very quiet, so the landlord caves, provided she'll pay two months rent up front. She gives Miles his quarter, and he runs off. When the landlord raises his eyebrows, his mother reminds him to walk, instead.

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