Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A+ | Grade It Now!
Dread Lockes

Island; Evening; Who Knows When: Saïd (not!Sayid) Taghmaoui's Caesar, who was sitting across from Hurley on Ajira flight 316 last week, creeps into a darkened Dharma Station, which people are saying is the Hydra, but it's too dark for me to tell. He switches on a desk lamp and looks at the desk's underside for a moment like he knows something is there, then starts nosing around. With the aid of a flashlight that's lying around, he spots an issue of Life magazine, from April 19, 1954 (20 cents). On its cover, there's a picture of an awesome fireball with a caption that reads... erm... "The Awesome fireball." The magazine's headline promises: "Color Pictures of Hydrogen Test." And also something about "David Beck, Former boss of goons emerges as Labor's new strong man," which I only mention because on this crazy-ass show, for all we know, the H-Bomb cover and its connection to episode 5-3 could be a flagrant misdirect, and the show has always been all about the search for Beck's successor, Jimmy Hoffa, who's been lost an awfully long time.

Caesar starts flipping through Life (which may happen to him for real if anyone messes with that donkey wheel again), but it loses his interest before he gives it a chance. Spying locked file cabinets across the room, he marches toward them with a sense of purpose and angrily breaks the lock, pulls open a drawer and removes a blue folder. Included in its contents are a map (of Craphole?) and a page of etchings that could double for the output from Mrs. Hawking's Foucault's Pendulum. He seems displeased with these findings and starts to grimace (because Daniel's influence carries far and wide, yo) when he spots something secured underneath a table or desk. If I've learned anything from the quickie firearms education I got from readers Gary and Nick, it's a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. He breaks it open and checks it; it looks to me like it contains two shots (but Gary and Nick didn't get that far in my training so don't blame them if I'm wrong) and then snaps it closed and shoves it into his pack. Just then Sayid's Marshall enters; her name is Ilana. When she asks, Caesar answers that he hasn't found anything useful. She calls him on that, asking what he just put in his bag, and he lies by pulling out a flashlight, temporarily blinding her with it, then tossing it to her. She tells him that Roxanne (oh great, more red shirts, may they soon too be deadwood) was scouting and came across a man just standing in the water. He was wearing a suit. Hmm. Who could it be? We cut to the outside, Ilana and Caesar are making like they're characters in a Sorkin project with the old talk-n-walk. Nobody recognizes him, and he wasn't one of the ones who "disappeared." Per Ilana, he wasn't on the plane.

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