Episode Report Card
LuluBates: B | 1 USERS: A
Magic Is Afoot!

Locke walks into a flower shop. He glares around the room and spies an older woman gushing over some floral arrangement. She calls her honey over and asks his opinion on the arrangement. The honey is Locke's Evil Daddy. They both decide the flowers should be bigger, and Evil Daddy looks Locke in the eye and tells the lady he will go over there and look for bigger flowers. He walks up to Locke and says hello. Locke wants to know if it will be a big to-do or just the two of them and a preacher? I guess you couldn't invite me 'cause it would make for some awkward introductions. Evil Daddy wants to know how Locke knew? Knew he was in the flower shop? Good freakin' question. How did he know that? Locke doesn't answer my question, but says he knows about the wedding because her son came to him asking why he gave Evil Daddy a kidney. He's onto you, Evil Daddy, but doesn't have any proof yet. Evil Daddy wants to know what Locke said to him. Locke doesn't answer that question but instead tells Evil Daddy that he knows he is conning her and is going to marry her for her money. What does Locke want from Evil Daddy? He wants Evil Daddy to leave that poor woman alone. Why? Because it is not fair! Evil Daddy makes people believe he is their family, and then he leaves them and ruins their lives! "Call off the engagement and go or I will tell her the truth. I want to hear you say it. Say you'll leave." Evil Daddy just says "Okay, you got it," and chucks him under the chin and calls him "Sport" as he heads out the door. Oh Evil Daddy! You're so Evil! Do you think Locke's state social worker would be proud that he reached out to his biological parents? Now can he get his benefits reinstated?

Locke is toying with his gun some more, his feet propped up on the bed, glaring at Ben. Ben asks for help getting into his chair. He promises no tricks, he just wants some dignity. Locke should know about that. Locke looks offended and confused and contemplative all at the same time! Kind of like when my mom tells me I look "nice." Locke eventually decides to help Ben and stands up to get his wheelchair. Ben decides to repay this act of kindness by launching into a patronizing discussion of how Locke plans to operate the submarine. It's a complicated piece of machinery and you can't just push submerge. Locke can't help but mention that Emily Post would have a huge problem with this display of gratitude. Then he says that for all Ben knows he was a commander in the Navy. Oh Locke, are you still so naïve? Or are you just fucking with us? Locke tells Ben to wrap his arms around him and he will lift him into the chair. Ben turns to stare into Locke's eyes, pulls out a purple satin turban, settles it on his head, demands that Locke refer to him as the Great and Powerful Benno and then says: "If you met Mikhail then you have been to the communications hub. That means you found the explosive. Obviously that means you're not planning on piloting the submarine. You are planning to destroy it! I know you, John Locke." Locke interrupts to point out that, no, he doesn't know him at all. The Great and Powerful Benno whips up a storm of grey smoke and lightning and yells that no one interrupts the Great and Powerful Benno! He says "I know you were born in California. I know you grew up in foster care. I know you wasted a good part of your life in Tustin pushing papers at a company that makes industrial boxes. I know you spent the four years prior to your arrival on this Island in a wheelchair. And I know how you ended up in it. Tell me, John. Did it hurt?" Locke looks unpleasantly surprised and stares intensely at the Great and Powerful Benno. He takes a deep breath and says, "I felt my back break. What do you think?" The Great and Powerful Benno doesn't know the answer to that one, bashfully removes the purple satin turban from his head, and looks a bit uncomfortable.

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