Episode Report Card
LuluBates: B | 1 USERS: A
Magic Is Afoot!

Locke is wheeling Ben into the kitchen to get a snack, because apparently the hostage situation has turned into a slumber party. Pillow fights and pedicures up next! Ben turns on the light and Locke is surprised that they still have power. Ben snarks that they have two hamsters running on a giant wheel in their underground lair. Okay, I'll say it: Hee! Ben tells Locke that there are leftovers in the fridge and he can help himself. Locke pulls out a roast chicken, and Ben apologizes for eating all the dark meat. Obviously this is the writers' way to say sorry for killing off all the characters of color on this show. Ben wheels himself over to look at photos of a young girl who must be Alex as a child while Locke engages in a one-man chicken eating contest. Ben says that Locke can't blow up the submarine. If he blows up the submarine he will have major problems with his people. Locke really doesn't care. Ben rolls over his toes a few times to get Locke's attention away from the chicken. Ben was born on the Island, but most of the Others were recruited and brought there. As much as they love it and will defend it and everything, they need to know that they can leave. The sub maintains that illusion. Locke stops eating chicken long enough to say, "So you're lying to them?" But Ben won't own up to that. He blames them by saying that they just aren't ready to make the commitment. But you, John Locke, you have already made that commitment. Locke has finally finished off the chicken and turns to look at Ben who is claiming that he can show him things. Dirty! Ben knows that Locke wants to see these things. To know these things. Super Dirty! Go wash your mouth out, Ben!

Ben offers to put it in terms that John can understand. He tells him to picture a box, because Locke knows all about boxes. What if I told you that somewhere on this Island was a Very Large Box and whatever you imagined, whatever you wanted to be in that Very Large Box, when you opened that Very Large Box, there it would be. What would you say to that? Locke smirks and says, "I hope that box is large enough to imagine up a new submarine." Oh writers! You're making my sides split! Ben is not amused. He wants to know why Locke is so angry? Um, Ben, maybe Locke is so angry because he was in a plane crash on an island populated by a random group of assholes who decided to kidnap, torture, and terrorize the survivors instead of helping? Maybe that's why he's so angry, Ben? Maybe? Locke tells Ben that he is angry because Ben is cheating. So, I'm wrong. Whatcha gonna do about it? Locke thinks Ben and the Others are cheating because they communicate with the outside world, they come and go as they please, they have electricity, running water, guns. Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eaters! He's a "heretic," a "Pharisee"! (Ooh someone's getting biblical!) If Ben had any idea what the Island was all about he certainly wouldn't be eating chicken! Um, John, you should really wipe the drumstick residue off your face before you start pointing greasy chicken fingers at people. Ben looks annoyed and points out that Locke has only been on the Island for 80 days (really? 80 days?) while Ben has been there his whole life. What makes him think he knows this Island better than him? Locke smiles and says, "Because you are in a wheelchair. And I'm not." Oh, he's got you there, Benny Boy.

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