Three Minutes

Episode Report Card
Daniel: C+ | Grade It Now!
The less-than-fantastic four

Some people take this story as evidence that Eko's figured out what Michael's done. If that's true, then Eko's one lousy fucking priest, I have to say. Not to mention a guy I wouldn't want on my side. "Oh, you shot two innocent people because some bad people kidnapped your son? That's just like a boy who killed a vicious dog that attacked his sister! Well, as long as you're sorry!" Not to mention, everyone knows all dogs go to heaven. The only part he got right is about God forgiving you as long as you're truly sorry. How else would be the Mafia be such good Catholics?

So given that Michael does seem truly sorry, you'd think this would be all good news to him, that he'll be getting to heaven. But he goes outside to puke. Puke out the guilt, Michael. Puke it out! Jack's strolling by and comes over to see if he's okay. Michael gathers himself together and says that he is, and then starts going on about having to get his boy back. He urgently tells Jack that he's already got everything all figured out, that it has to be just the people "who already know," Hurley, Jack, Kate and Sawyer. And that's it. "Who already know" what? About the Others? Everybody knows about them. About Walt being gone? Doesn't everybody know that too? About Ana-Lucia and Libby being shot? Won't people wonder about this when they're buried later on? But in the face of Michael's stupidity and supposed paternal privilege and NOT AT ALL ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR, Jack agrees to this nonsense, and then says, "I'll just go tell MY ARMY that they don't get to come." Or he would, if we were ever going to hear of that plot dead-end again. Even Michael looks surprised that his bullshit seems to have worked.

Claire, who hasn't been around in about forty episodes, is tending to Aaron and his giant head. Charlie strolls up and says hello. Aaron seems happy to see him, but Claire is rather chilly, almost as if Charlie is a former heroin junkie given to abducting her child. Charlie's doing that ex-boyfriend-but-see-how-fine-I-am-with-things total over-nonchalance thing as he asks if she's seen Eko. She says she hasn't, and he tells her they're building a church. So see, his life is completely full without her. "Is there something you want, Charlie?" she says coolly. He gets to the point: he found this briefcase of vaccine on the pallet, which is news to everyone, so I'm guessing this hadn't been thought of by the time they were shooting the actual pallet scenes. Charlie's got no idea what they'd need vaccine for, but figured if anyone should hang onto it, it should be the mother with her baby. It even comes with a handy-dandy pneumatic injector, like Desmond had, not that the two of them would know about that. Charlie demonstrates firing the injector into his leg, saying it's quite painless. She's suspicious of how he knows so much about that, and he explains that he tried it, to make sure it was safe for her and the baby. And not because when it comes to injectable chemicals, Charlie's up for anything. Claire accepts this, though, and asks how Charlie feels. He feels fine. And yes, because Charlie appears to not have any weeping sores or ear bleeding, at least not that I can see, I as a new mother will totally accept that it's OKAY TO FIRE A PNEUMATIC VACCINE GUN INTO MY NEWBORN. Charlie says the bottles say to inject every nine days, so there's enough for Claire and Aaron for a while.

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