Tricia Tanaka Is Dead

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It's Miller Time!

Back on the Island, Hurley mumbles to himself about hope and cars and help while Sawyer teaches Jin the manly art of English: "Beer." "Car." "International House of Pancakes." He turns on Hurley and asks him what he's doing. Hurley claims he's praying for help. Sawyer chucks a beer at his head and says I got your help right here, dude. I totally dated a guy like that. Charmer. The beer rolls away, and Hurley follows it, and gets a big ol' goofy grin on his big ol' goofy face. Cut to Charlie on the beach, staring out at the ocean. Hurley tells him to pull himself together, stop moping, and come help get the magic bus moving! Charlie doesn't see the point of starting a van on an island with no roads. Hurley pulls a Cher, slaps Charlie, and tells him to snap out of it. He then launches into what is clearly a rousing speech because Charlie agrees to go. In case you want to draft an inspiring speech of your own, the elements to include are: looking death in the face and laughing, being victorious over enemies both seen and unseen, having a bit of fun, and of course making your own luck. .

At the van, surrounded by empties, Sawyer is teaching Jin the only three things a man ever needs to tell a woman. "I'm sorry," "You were right," and "Those pants don't make you look fat." Oh, Sawyer. No wonder Kate is like so over you. Hurley rounds the corner and Sawyer asks, "What up, Jumbotron? Hurley is not in the mood and retorts with the classic, "Shut up, redneck dude." Sawyer smiles. You have learned much, grasshopper. Hurley convinces all the men (and Charlie) to push the van to the edge of a giant rolling hill. Sawyer seems almost impressed, in that way that things sound impressive after you've split a case of Schlitz with your roommate and it's four o'clock on a Sunday and why the heck shouldn't you see what would happen if you had to use the fire escape ladder while wearing roller skates?

Hurley is packing for Australia. The Cheech comes in to talk to him, and in an effort to appear fatherly, honest, and stating the bleeding obvious, he admits that he is there for the money and that he is old. Dude, we know. The Cheech says that the reason he's there now is that he's worried. Hurley shouldn't go to Australia. It won't fix anything. He doesn't need to go. He just needs a little hope. That we make our own luck and Hurley needs some of that. The Cheech thinks he should give away the money and only save enough for a carburetor. It's never too late for a fresh start. Pull the Bitchin' Camaro off the blocks, hit the road, and head to the Grand Canyon on the road trip they were supposed to go on 17 years ago. Strangely, Hurley is unimpressed by this speech, and says he'll send The Cheech a postcard. The Cheech says he will be there when he gets back.

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