White Rabbit

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: C- | 1 USERS: C+
Drink Deep Of My Sparkling Stream
Jungle. A woozy, reeling Jack goes deeper into the woods, calling, "Where are you?" In flashback, a hotel manager tells Jack that his father hasn't been in his hotel room for three days. So that we know they're in Sydney, the hotel manager is given a comically overwrought Aussie accent, to the point that he pronounces "maid" as "moide." The manager goes on to tell Jack that security had to haul his dad out of the bar, and that he was too drunk to rent a car. "My father was a chief of surgery," Jack angrily declares, and the manager silently thanks the heavens he's never needed surgery in America. Jack finds his dad's wallet in the hotel room, and the manager suggests contacting the police.

Back inna jungle. Via patented ShakyCam Technology, we see Jack stumble in the jungle, following Paulie Walnuts. Finally Jack falls off a cliff. "[Grunting]," says the closed captioning.

Commercials. Hey, Pizza Hut: It's hard to imagine three corporate spokespeople/spokesplants more likely to turn me off your product than Audrey II, Deion Sanders, and Stuart Scott.

Back to Jack, who's dangling off a cliff grasping a vine. More [grunting]. I am sympathetic to Jack's plight; this one time, I went hiking on the Manoa Falls trail with my attractive lawyer wife and her mother. On the way back to the parking lot, other hikers pointed out a hanging vine perfectly situated for Tarzan-style swinging. I climbed up a little incline, grabbed the vine, and kicked out over the trail; alas, I immediately began losing my grip and, at the apogee of my swing, let go entirely and landed with a whump on my ass right in front of my unimpressed mother-in-law. The point is, vines are hard to hold on to. Jack is saved when Locke shows up and offers him a hand; Jack desperately grabs for his arm and is pulled back up. At that exact moment, Mount Doom explodes! Actually, more like Mount HoYay!, as Locke and Jack fall into each other's arms, both breathing heavily; Locke asks if he's all right, and Jack starts giggling like a schoolgirl.

Back at the tent, Charlie brings Claire a bit of water. She thanks him, and he says, "There'd be more if some git hadn't nicked it." The closed-captioning people have never heard the word "git," so they type the American transliteration: "geek." Charlie tells Claire that no one knows where Jack is, but that Locke has gone into the jungle for water. "Great," says Claire. "Our only hunter goes off into the jungle to get the pregnant girl some more water." Oh, sweetie, it's not all about you. Other, non-pregnant people need water too. Charlie asks, "Who would you rather meet in a dark alley? Whatever's out there, or that geezer with his 400 knives?" Ha! Claire thanks Charlie for spending time with her; what with the baby, she says, most castaways view her as this "time bomb of responsibility about to go off." Charlie, who is himself a time bomb of heroin withdrawal about to go off, tells her she doesn't scare him. They smile at each other. This scene is cute. I only wish that the cameras had stuck around long enough to capture Charlie singing a few bars from Driveshaft's #71 power ballad, "Drink Deep Of My Sparkling Stream."

Sayid and Kate, tipped off by Hurley that "the Chinese people have water" (stupid haole), approach Sun. "Where did you get this?" he demands. He believes Sun understands him, though she responds in Korean. My friend Denny, who speaks Korean, tells me that she says, "I took the water to wet my bodice, handsome stranger." Before she can go any further, Jin rushes in, shouting (according to my friend Denny, who speaks Korean), "No! Get back, woman! The handsome stranger is mine!" Kate calms him down and asks who gave Jin the water. Jin stares stonily at them and then points to Sawyer. Sayid stops Kate from going after Sawyer immediately, telling her they should wait to catch him with the stolen goods: "If you wait, a rat will always lead you to its hole."

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