Nashville Star

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Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Third Town

Next we learn that Ashlee Hewitt has made it through. She's the "Bubbly" girl. We cut to the mentoring video, where Ashlee tells John she's planning to sing "Ring of Fire." One of my favorite songs to play and sing! Seriously, learn three chords on the guitar just so you can play this song. You'll never have felt cooler. John's big advice to her is to take the song half a step higher. Brilliant! Back on stage, Ashlee is jailbait perfection. I think she's wearing a tube top over a wifebeater. The song modulates in the middle, and then things start getting a little hairy. The audience gives her a standing ovation, purely because she's hot. Seriously, the girl is cute as all heck, and seems very sweet, but that was not good. Jeffrey Steele can't give a coherent critique because of his huge boner. He is actually bouncing in his chair. He says that there's a lot of fire in that ring of fire. A lot of ring, too. Jewel approves of Ashlee's use of barre chords, and liked the performance overall. John Rich says that Ashlee's voice has such a folk and country feel to it, and he's sitting next to the reigning queen of folk/country - Jewel. John tells her to go buy Jewel's record, which of course he produced. He says it's the number one album in the country. He means "on the country charts." The number one album in the country is by Disturbed, and I am quite certain that John Rich did not produce that. Anyway, the judges love Ashlee, and apparently singing a Johnny Cash song is even braver than singing a song by Train.

The next contestant through is Justin Gaston, the pretty boy model who was universally denounced as terrible. But pretty. He's awfully intimidated by Jewel in his video. And he's singing "Hey There Delilah." This guy totally was rejected from Idol, wasn't he? I'm sure Paula would have heard the rainbows in his voice, though. Jewel thinks that Justin needs to bring his heart to the table. He sings the song with some country-esque mandolin in the background. I will say that he is awfully cute. He has maybe the most perfectly shaped nose I've ever seen on a human being. But really, the performance was not that good. Jeffrey isn't sure about the whole thing. John Rich tells him that he comes off very sweet, and not in a good way. He asks Jewel if she made out with Justin for 30 minutes or something. Umm, I think John Rich is calling Justin a Gaylord. Jewel takes it easy on him, and says that he's not a bad singer but needs to get more control of his voice. John Rich busts in and says that Justin shouldn't be on the show. He snuck in through the backdoor. Trust me when I say that there are many ladies and flamboyant gentlemen out there who would let Justin Gaston sneak in through their backdoor any day. And John Rich is one of them. That's why he's being such a queen right now. Billy Ray plugs Jewel's album again, and Justin Gaston fears for his future.

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Nashville Star

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