Nashville Star

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What If It All Goes...Snore

Billy Ray teleprompts that it's time to get the party started, and introduces a former electrician who can really light up the stage -- Mr. Gabe Garcia. Gabe sings the Brad Paisley song "Celebrity," which is an homage to obnoxious no-talent hacks from reality shows. It's a great nod-and-wink song, but I think they probably just made Gabe sing it because it has the word "adios" in it. Jewel tells Gabe that it's been a pleasure to get to know him over the past nine weeks, and an honor to work with him. She's proud of him, and is also happy that he represented her so well. Because, as always, it's all about Jewel.

Next up, Melissa performs. She sings a song called "My Wish," by Rascal Flatts. Jeffrey Steele totally wrote this song. It's all about, like, finding a rainbow at the end of your pot of coffee or some shit. I bet Melissa's husband's wish is that she wins enough money to hire a damn nanny for all those kids. Jeffrey notes that Melissa, despite having five kids under the age of ten, has managed to become more beautiful with each passing week. He asks how it will feel to know that if she wins tonight, the rest of us can go download her music. Well, duh. He always asks the most inane questions. When you build your house, call me, John Rich. Anyway, John thinks that Melissa is awesome.

Next up is Shawn, of course. She took a lot of risks, including firing John Rich, who bought Billy Ray Cyrus the boots he's wearing tonight. I guess Miley got a little stingy with the allowance that week. Shawn sings "Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert, which really harkens back to the glory days of this show. The song is all about how she's totally going to shoot John Rich. Excellent choice! Jeffrey never would have thought that Shawn would be standing in the final three, and says that he agreed with pretty much everything John said in the early days. It's been great to see her professionalism, and how she's come around in the past few weeks, he says, and he's proud of how she stepped up to the plate. He hopes she wins. So do I! Even though she's not really a great singer. I mean, who cares, right?

Oh, and then we have a montage where the judges give the contestants some career advice. They bring in country radio king Blair Garner. No, not Blair Warner, though I'm sure she would have more brilliant ideas. The upshot of the session with Blair is that radio is very important. Next, John Rich brings in mother effing George Jones! Shawn is particularly blown away. George Jones thinks that everyone is doing a great job. We don't get to see his advice to the contestants, which is likely, "Don't get as drunk as I did as often as I did." That is some sound wisdom.

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Nashville Star

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