Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 13 USERS: B
Lots of Love

Will the Narcissist tells Jack that Dr. Dr. Sloan did that because of what he told her. Jack says Will seems "protective" of Dr. Dr. Sloan (huh?) and Will says she's "like a little sister" to him (HUH?). Jack then asks the natural question: "Your father was an abusive alcoholic?" Will seems confused as to how Jack could have figured that out. It's called your file, Will. Sometimes people write things in it, and then other people read those things. Jack presses and Will says that yes, his father was an alcoholic who beat his wife and children until Will got big enough to fight back. When he was in fifth grade. Damn, good for him. I was like two feet tall when I was in fifth grade, but Will was big enough to smash his dad's face with a bottle of Dewar's! Will doesn't understand why Jack is asking him these questions and not giving him his sleeping pills. Dude, just go to Walgreens and buy those over-the-counter pills. They work fine, and the Walgreens cashier doesn't care about your childhood.

Jack says he'll give Will a sleeping pill, but suggests waiting until the session is over. Will doesn't want to, but Jack thinks he's full of it because he could have just gone to his normal doctor for sleeping pills but he chose to come here. Will insists that he didn't come to his psychiatrist for any kind of psychiatry.

MacKenzie checks on Jim, Maggie, and now Kendra and Neal's research into Will's background. So far, they've discovered that Maggie tried to blow up her parents' house. Maggie says Jim isn't telling the whole story. It turns out that the whole story makes Maggie look even worse, as she was shooting guns (the hell?) with her cousins and thought the propane tanks in front of the "diesel fuel combine" (where the hell is Maggie's parents' house? Actually, knowing Maggie, her parents are probably weirdo morons like her and just randomly have dangerous farm equipment stacked in front of the door for no reason). MacKenzie asks the children to focus on Will, not Maggie. So far, all they've been able to figure out is that Will had LASIK surgery, TB, a guest stint as a guitarist on a country album ("he's an accomplished guitarist who occasionally jams with Leonard Cohen," MacKenzie explains. Gosh, isn't Will just the best?), and C- in a sociology class he didn't even register for. Also, he never finished the New York marathon because he was running it with MacKenzie and she managed to sprain her ankle on the starting line. IDIOT.

Maggie comes up with a donation to a Republican candidate. MacKenzie says that's not news -- everyone knows Will is Republican. "WHAT?" Kendra asks. Get with the program, Kendra! Will has mentioned his Republicanism like 18 times by now. I guess it's hard to tell when all he does is attack Republicans on his show. They knew Will was a speechwriter for George H. W. Bush but figured he was doing that "as a public service" or perhaps "to mess with him." Jim laughs at Maggie for saying something stupid again, and Maggie gets her "revenge" by informing everyone that Jim was kicked out of his study abroad program because he went to the Arctic circle to see penguins (which are on the other side of the earth) and flirted with an Inuit. "I was just trying to get past the disappointment of the penguins," Jim says. Maggie and Neal giggle as if this were funny. What the hell study abroad program takes place that close to the Arctic circle, anyway?

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