Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 13 USERS: B
Lots of Love

Charlie and Will inform Dr. Dr. Sloan that all she has to do is claim that she's not so hot at Japanese and misunderstood Tanaka, thinking he said seven when he really said four. She's going to go on Elliot's show tonight to say this, along with an apology. In return, Tanaka will say that he was speaking on the record with Dr. Dr. Sloan. Both of their jobs will be safe. All Dr. Dr. Sloan has to do is lie to the American people, which is kind of the exact opposite of everything Will's new show is supposed to stand for. By the way, TEPCO is about to announce that the reactors are indeed at level seven, so Dr. Dr. Sloan was right this entire freaking time and probably saved the lives of many a fictional Japanese person.

Of all people, it is MacKenzie who points out how ridiculous this will look when Dr. Dr. Sloan goes on the air and apologizes for not knowing the difference between four and seven and then Elliot announces that the reactors are at a level seven after all. "It won't be our proudest moment," Charlie says. Actually, from what I've seen of ACN thus far, it will be. It will save Tanaka's job and "help the girl," Charlie says. And now that he isn't mad at her anymore, he will refer to her by her real name again: "Sloan. Or Miss Sabbith." It's Dr. Sabbith, asshole. Go look at the diplomas on her wall. I guess that's why she put them there. Dr. Dr. Sloan asks Will what she should do. "You want me to lie? On television? From a news desk with the ACN bug in the corner?" Clearly, she expects his answer to be no. It's "yes." But don't worry, Dr. Dr. Sloan, because Will says he'll be standing "right next to her" if there's any "fallout" from it. "We fucked up. Let's just live with that now," Will says. Yes, by fucking up again and lying to your audience. Good plan. But if she gets to wear Gucci on the air then it's all be fine.

Will feels like a little bit of a hypocrite for lying. So, he's a hypocrite, a bully, and a liar. He's a lot of things, few of them good. Also, the only reason why he couldn't sleep at night was because he was eating bacon, and that has tyramine in it, which can keep people awake. No, not even coffee could keep someone awake for days and I'd bet caffeine is more of a stimulant than this tyramine. Anyway, Will is outraged that Jack has known the reason for his sleeping problems this entire time but didn't tell him until after he figured out that he was a dick. Jack smirks and writes Will a prescription for some anti-bacon drug and urges him to come back because he has "very serious" stuff going on in his head and should talk to someone about it. Also, he's just as weirdly obsessed with MacKenzie now as he was four years ago. "You're experiencing acute depression and doing a masterful job covering it," Jack says. Um, I guess? "Buying the ring was not normal," Jack says, as we see Will ripping up the ring receipt. Now he'll never be able to return it! Wow, this guy just spends tremendous amounts of money every episode. I can't wait until Episode Eight when he goes broke. Also, I guess we're not going to get any resolution on the death threat thing. Oh well.

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