We Just Decided To

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 47 USERS: C-
News Fight

Will continues that when America was great, we "acted like men." Wait, what? Oh no! I act like a woman, owing to the fact that I am one, so I guess I will never be a part of making a country great. "We didn't scare so easy," Will sighs. Yes, that's why they called it the "Red Not-Scare." After so many words, Will gets to his main point and the main point of the show: that America was able to achieve all of this self-sacrificing brave manliness because its citizens were "informed. By great men - men who were revered." Screw you, Nellie Bly! And screw you, everyone else who isn't a journalist but has contributed to society in other ways! None of it matters if old white men aren't there to tell everyone what you've done.

Afterwards, Liberal Lady and Fox News Guy ask Will what his problem is. Will doesn't seem to know. "You can't talk to me like that!" Fox News Guy says. "Do you need a doctor?" asks Liberal Lady. Ha ha, conservatives are elitist and selfish and liberals are a compassionate drain on health care resources!

Just when I thought this couldn't get worse, the opening credits start. I don't think I've ever seen a cheesier opening credits sequence than this - and I used to recap 7th Heaven. We've got black and white shots of old newsrooms back in the day when men were awesome, clips of Murrow and Cronkite's greatest moments, and then we go to the fictional ACN newsroom where our show will take place while the overwrought piano and violins play. Also, it's like ten minutes long. But it thinks it's awesome and what television needs more of, so in that regard, it fits this show like a glove.

Three weeks later, Will returns to work after a post-Northwestern outburst vacation. His staff watch him walk into his office, then resume their conversation. Don and Maggie were arguing about whether or not Don should meet Maggie's visiting parents after only dating her for four months. Neal just wants them to take their personal crap somewhere else so he can stay firmly on the periphery of this show. They walk ten feet away from Neal's desk and argue about something else: the "stupid decision" Maggie made for loyalty reasons while Don made a "smart" decision because of "ambition." "He can't remember your name, and I'm the asshole," Don says. The "he" they're referring to is Will, who earned Maggie's undying stupid loyalty because he promoted her from lowly intern to a lowly assistant. "He didn't promote you, honey. He thought you were his assistant," Don condescends. And I'd really not like Don for that, except for the fact that he's right, and that's why he gets to go to "pizza meetings" and Maggie is stuck in a mostly-empty office working for a guy who just took ten minutes to realize that nearly all of his employees are somewhere else. Also, Maggie tells us that Don is a "hotshot EP out of Columbia J-School," and Columbia J-School rules. Suck it, Medill!

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