Orange Is the New Black
Bora, Bora, Bora

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: A+ | 119 USERS: A+
"Bitches Gots to Learn"

Nichols and Morello give Piper and Alex some flack about doing the deed all the time, and they try to deny it, but their giant grins and their staggered arrivals at breakfast (and lack of showered hair) are dead giveaways. Piper claims it's just a comfort thing, and she's worried about the fact that she hasn't seen or heard from Larry since she was sent to SHU. She calls her brother, and Cal lets her know that Larry is busy working on his segment for NPR, but it turns out that Larry's just hiding out in the trailer. Cal tells him to man up and call Piper. Cal also wins for telling Piper: "Love you. Stay out of the stew."

We flash back to Polly's wedding day, where she's telling Piper that she'll know she should settle down when she meets a guy who makes mundane things exciting and knows when to take care of her and order Chinese food. We then see Piper and Larry's first encounter: he's plantsitting and mooching free air-conditioning, and she's stumbling in looking for something to clean the dog bite. He takes care of her injury and naturally offers to order her Chinese food. The rest was history?

In the lockup, Piper's much more concerned with the fact she wants revenge on Tucky. But Alex has it covered and it is a long game. Seems that good old Tucky has taken to doing some faith-healing and her loyal followers are happy to pretend that their headaches have disappeared. Alex gets Janae to make Tucky heal her leg, and pretends it works. Then they get Boo to have Tucky remove the unclean lesbian thoughts from her brain. She's so into it that she starts screaming "Don't leave me straight. Change me back." But the real payback comes when some Scared Straight kids are visiting, and Piper tells Tucky about a girl in a wheelchair who really needs a miracle. Tucky drags the girl out of the chair and tries to make her walk, before she gets pepper sprayed and taken away. Who will keep the jail lesbian-free while Tucky's in the SHU?

In preparation for the Scared Straight visit, Bell recruits some inmates, they are all very excited. Poussey: "We can make 'em cry, right?" Crazy Eyes wants to know if she can bring her acting chops to the party and play either Desdemona, Ophelia or Claire Huxtable. Bell just wants someone to haunt their nightmares. She tries to get Piper to participate, but she's not interested at all.

The scaring involves a lot of the inmates getting in the faces of the girls (Crazy Eyes giving a nutty Shakespearean soliloquy) and telling them how bad it is. A bit like that SNLsketch. But they all shy away from intimidating the girl in the wheelchair. But that girl ends up being the toughest of all. After they've succeeded in making the majority of the teens cry, they take them on a tour of the facilities.

In the bathroom, they try and show how rotten the conditions are, and seeing Chapman walk by, talk about how she's a lesbian and will do bad things to them. But the girl in the wheelchair plays the badass card about how she's a gangbanger until Piper loses her patience. At which point, Piper becomes phenomenally amazing (if this is what getting laid on the regular does to her, more power to Alex). She gets in her face and tells her, "I can't get through this without somebody to touch, somebody to love. I was somebody before I came in here. I was somebody with a life that I chose for myself. Now it is just about getting through the day without crying." When the girl starts to look freaked, she continues: "I'm scared that I'm not myself in here, and I'm scared that I am. It's coming face to face with who you really are. The truth catches up with you in here, Deana, and it's the truth that's gonna make you her bitch." After she drops the mic and stomps out of the bathroom, Poussey tells her, "Damn, you cold." Piper's dry response? "Bitches gots to learn." Easily the single most amazing thing that Piper has done this season, and it really made me relate to her a lot more as a character. I can almost forgive some of her earlier stupidity. Almost.

So while Piper's got her newfound badass attitude, Tricia's come back from detoxing. She tries appealing to Red who quickly dismisses her. Mendez has gotten his new shipment (courtesy of Red's kitchen) and he quickly finds Tricia and tries to get her to buy some non-generic Oxycontin. She demures that she's clean, but he says that she owes him (she was not on a "blowjob layaway plan" like she presumed). So the least she can do is sell the contents of the baggie and get him the name of some new clients. Tricia doesn't like owing people things, so she hopelessly agrees.

Via flashback we see Tricia (pre-cornrows) with a friend eating chocolate and a carrot that she lifted from Whole Foods. She keeps a log of everything that she takes, with the intention of paying it all back at some point. Later we see that her friend has gotten off the streets and has an apartment and a boyfriend and a job. Tricia asks for food, but turns down an offer of a place to stay. Shortly after we see her trying to pay for some stolen headphones, but while she's there, she swipes a necklace. The manager is utterly confused about her paying for a product from years ago, and she gives the money to pay for the necklace she stole (since an employee saw her take it) and runs out of the store. When the cops see her on the loose and ask if she stole something, the manager admits that he's not sure.

In jail, Tricia looks either strung out or exhausted as she goes to meet the scared straight kids. But Mendez locks her in the closet telling her to get her act together. When he goes back for her, she's unconscious on the floor with the empty bag of pills. Great job giving a junkie a large supply of drugs, Pornstache. So Mendez sees some electrical cords and quickly makes Tricia's OD look like a suicide. But Nichols knows the truth and she's got guilt galore since she found out that one of the reasons Red cut Tricia off was because she thought that she was the one who spilled about the Neptune deal. After everyone watches Tricia's body being removed from the prison and comfort each other over their loss, Nichols goes and confesses to Red. Red, who was feeling responsible, says that she trusts Nichols even more now because she was honest and she owes her. What does Red want exactly? More back rubs? No, she wants Mendez. "I want that motherfucker. I want him taken out."

In other slightly less depressing news: Caesar went to Bennett's house to threaten him about not being a deadbeat dad to the baby, and Mama Diaz and Daya have a moment where they say he's got to figure out how to pay the bills. He's more worried about going to jail for being a sex offender; we learn that Bennett didn't lose his leg in the war, but that he got an infection in a hot tub; Nicky tells Morello that her fiancée is fictional because he hasn't visited since her first month there; Morello thinks that Bora Bora has a third Bora; and Claudette gets her hair done for her long-awaited visit from Baptiste. At first he seemed like a no-show, but it was Bell and the other guards thinking she having a visitor was a practical joke. Their reunion was so touching and not a single guard gave them trouble about their extra-long embrace.

Orange Is the New Black




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