Roswell
Control (2)

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Out of control

Plucking a rose from a massive arrangement, holding it up to his nose and not smelling it, Cal tells Max not to be sorry for him, settles down like he's about to be interviewed by Barbara Walters, and says, "I love my life. Can you say the same?" Max pulls out the whole son-in-danger sob story and asks once more for help. Cal refuses, since this is his home, which, in case we weren't sure, is "Hollywood. California. USA. Planet Earth." Before he can spin off into the solar system, his cell phone saves the day; Cal takes the call and begins a terse business conversation with someone called Nicky Baby. Something about a contract. He finishes the call with, "I only yell because I love," which I'll be using in the future -- I'm sure it'll go over really well with all my minions (you'll like that, won't you, Sars?). ["NO!! I only yell because I love. Okay, I'm totally stealing that." -- Sars] Oh, and he wasn't yelling.

Then he calls Max "Kid" and tells him he's got something that will cheer him up. It's product plug time, as the camera zooms in on a Nokia combo cell phone/email doohickey, given to Cal by the CEO of Nokia (he got the CEO's granddaughter an audience with Brad Pitt -- finally, an actor besides Tom Cruise!). Now we know who's paying for this disaster masquerading as television. Dick Cheney is the only other lucky pooter with one of these gizmos, says Cal, and George W. is still pissed. Since he doesn't have much else going on, I guess he can get huffy about who has better toys. Max tells Cal to give him the phone if it's that special, which Cal does. Gives it to him, as in "take it, it's yours." Max, confused, protests mildly, but Cal says he's simply trying to take Max's advice to be more giving. As Cal leaves, telling Max to have a sandwich or take a swim (but wait half an hour!), music swells and a look of realization marches across Max's face.

Eunice walks in front of pictures of a giant fruit, calling Isabel's name; she walks in on her daughter and Jesse, making out in the kitchen, and all three look overly embarrassed. Eunice wants the number of the printer they used for Isabel's graduation announcement -- an occasion, long in coming, deserving of engraved fanfare -- which Isabel says is in her handy-dandy planner. She offers to retrieve it, but Eunice, sensing a wide-open door for snoopage, says she'll find it herself and suggests that Isabel and Jesse "go back to doing whatever it was you were doing." Cleaning the oven, sweetheart. The two lovebirds go all smiley and google-eyed with each other, as the high-drama indicator music swells and Eunice makes a beeline for Isabel's tres-chic zebra-striped planner. It flips open to a huge Post-It with Max's cell phone number written in 27-point letters -- 505-555-0146. I'm calling shortly to tell him that he's a moron.

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Roswell

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