Roswell
Crazy

Episode Report Card
Djb: D | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Red, Red Whine

Crashdown. Maria is mid-zany-repartee with a flower delivery boy who is not delivering flowers to Maria. They're for Liz. They have a note that reads in a female production assistant's handwriting, "Meet me at SeƱor Chow's in an hour. Alone." Ooh, alone. How romantic. In an I'm-gonna-kill-you-later-on-our-romantic-date-kinda-way. Liz informs the audience via Maria that it's the restaurant where she and Max had their first date. Oh, good, I'd been missing that place. I love pool. And Chinese. Together. And I'm starving.

And will remain so, it seems, as the combination Chinese place/pool hall I so adored in Episode 10 has morphed into a really, really red Mexican restaurant. Is it also Chinese? Does that culinary fusion exist yet? Who was General Tso, anyway, and why was this warrior's one legacy a spicy chicken dish often served with sesame seeds? Questions, questions. But for now, the mystery only gets, well, more mysterious. Liz sits. Not one full second later, she is joined by Renee, so-called "incognito" in a curly wig of such drastically ugly proportions it makes me marvel at the standard issue for Witness Protection Program participants who are not former FBI agents themselves, and therefore miss out on the employee discount. Back story: there's an alien hunter. He's a bad dude. He's looking for Max Evans and anyone he might be involved with. All six of them are ambiguously reported to be "on the list," but not the one in that VH1 show where they choose inane topics from rock's history like "Best Song Title" or "Best Song Cover" or "Best Guitar Note Played Ever" that is really often hosted by Andy Dick. No, Lucy from The Practice, actually I DON'T care who your favorite "Best Live Performance" is, because I too have opinions that are more valid than yours, considering my not being an idiot. I don't think that's the list Renee was discussing, but she's gone after nailing down a meeting time for tomorrow with Liz and I never do quite find out.

Commercials: I'm sorry, Ben Stiller, but was the script for Keeping the Faith you received for perusal written in invisible ink? And maybe you put your Kellogg's secret decoder ring somewhere and now you can't find it? Is that it? That must be it.

Back in school, the continued scourge of red backlighting indicates that the addition of some rows of lockers and the subtraction of a mariachi band is pretty much all that delineates the set marked "school" from the set marked "Mexican restaurant." Oh, budget constraints, we hardly knew ye. Max sees Liz, who for once halts their smacky make-out-itude before it reaches full-coital proportions. She's scared. She saw Renee. Max is upset that Liz was tricked into seeing her. They argue about Renee's trustworthy merits, and Liz tells Max that they're all on the list. Max, horror dawning: "What list?" Oooooh. Not completely inauthentic dramatic development! Yup, that's a compliment. Don't get used to it.

Cut to that ambiguous location buried somewhere deep in the middle of the desert that the six of them always seem to go when they're in the mood to pace and point. Liz seems to think that they can trust Renee, but Michael and Isabel are adamant that Renee is entrapping them. Maria suggests, Choose Your Own Adventure With Our Lives style, that they put it to a vote. The aliens are three for three in their decision not to meet her again, but Maria diverges from the human party line in her decision to avoid seeing Renee. Alex storms away, a startling stab at melodrama rendered relatively benign by my forgetting he was there to begin with, and Isabel follows him to the Alienmobile. Max and Liz hug in a melancholy fashion. Michael thanks Maria for "seeing it my way," and she responds that she "just want[s] this to be over with." Again, I couldn't agree more, babe, but you guys were the ones who decided to keep this train barely on its tracks to begin with. Monday nights? Screw you all.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

Roswell

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP