Roswell
Harvest

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Children Of The Corny

Jetta. Courtney warns Michael that he's going to get himself killed, throwing a red flare against the sky that reads ESSENTIAL PLOT DEVELOPMENT before fairly screaming, "I didn't spend fifty years finding you so you could throw your life away out of misplaced loyalty." Maria surmises that this passage of time would make her "sixty-five or seventy," and Courtney retorts that "Husks don't age." A wha? Fine, Alien Biology lesson. Anal probes at the ready? Here we go: "This planet's atmosphere is hostile to our race. The husks are a life form technology that we can genetically manipulate to resemble human bodies. Our relationship to it is essentially parasitic." The husks peal after about fifty years, and Michael celebrates the fact that "if the Husks die, we're home free right?" Not so much. Why not? Courtney tells them why: "The Harvest."

Travolta Center. Gage wears a suit and walks in. Meanwhile, the Fabulous Four are wearing exactly what they wore the day before, and Gage beckons Isabel over to the door. She follows him into the Stagecoach Museum and beyond that to an underground lair (of course) of some kind, where she looks up to notice a row of glass pods containing replicas of the collective personages assembled upstairs at the Universal Friendship League. Hello. What's this? Gage appears behind her and smiles, offering a "glad you're here," and takes her down by putting up a palm. "Hello, Vilandra. It's been a long time." No fair, daddy. No fair.

Upstairs at the memorial service, the Skins sit patiently watching while a director with one too many rentals of Heathers on his Blockbuster card ("I love my dead gay Congressgal!") directs the sequence down to its moodiest minutiae, with only the 3-D sunglasses from Winona's dream sequence absent from the mise en scene. Tess, Max, and Liz approach the casket and regard Whitaker inside. Tess observes that she's a "good-looking pile of dust," and Liz touches her hand. It cracks under the pressure like papier-mâché. Liz hastily arranges flowers to cover the hole, just as Greer walks before them to deliver his sermon, scratching his Husky face all the while. They turn around to walk out, and notice suddenly that everyone else in the place is starting to scratch furiously, all simultaneously and too-kitschily and less reminiscent of quality science-fiction television programming and more ripped from the "you used to call me paranoid" verse of the "Pressure" video. The Four have almost reached the door when Greer notes the hole in Dead Whitaker's hand and calls out, "Leaving so soon?" The door slams closed on his command and the three fall to the floor, Max flying backwards and standing on Greer's line, "It appears our long search for the Royal Four has finally ended. How convenient of you to deliver yourselves to us." Max tells them to let Liz go, but Mrs. Dead Whitaker is ready with the retort, "She's a human who knows too much. It's a damn shame, 'cause she's awful cute." Shut up, Mrs. Dead Whitaker. Greer guesses that Max and Tess are "the once and future king and his bride," holding up a hand and telling Max, "This is a moment I've waited for for a long time." They each hold out a hand, Max blocking Greer's death hand with that green shieldy thing. It's all bad.

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Roswell

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