Episode Report Card
Djb: D | Grade It Now!
Children Of The Corny

Downstairs, Gage tells Isabel that "it's taken twenty years nursing them from spores to maturity. Now they're almost ready to harvest." More your-destiny-is-with-us for Vilandracakes, and Gage tells her that she is eagerly awaited by a certain "Khivar." Which, translated from the official language of the sovereign nation of Planet Arium, literally means, "Even cheesier a sci-fi name than 'Vilandra.' If that's possible." Gage celebrates the fact that he is "here to take you back to him, Vilandra. The leader of the rebellion. The man who currently sits on your brother's tarnished throne. The man for whom you sacrificed a kingdom. Your lover. Khivar." Except that she found him. More pointless Gagecakes, during which Isabel reaches for a lead pipe lying conveniently in the corner. Ooooh, death by Clue weapon. I can dig it. Otherwise: What. Ever.

The Jetta pulls up as Tess joins Max in keeping the Skins at bay, and Gage asks Isabel, "Where's the Granolith?" Isabel picks up the pipe and slams Gage square in the head, but Gage just corrects his neck fracture with a tilt to the left and right and reports, "Okay. Now I'm pissed." Erk. Michael runs in and joins the party, and Gage regards him sardonically: "That gleam of dull stupidity in the eyes. If I'm not mistaken, you must be the king's second-in-command. I killed you myself in your last life. Ready to die again?" Michael tries to be taken seriously: "Bring it on." Ack! I'm losin' my hearing from all the shout-outs! Have I used that line before? Sorry.

But the force field can't hold, and Greer advances on Max and Tess, who are thrown to the floor when their powers give out. Meanwhile, Courtney runs downstairs, grabs the lead pipe, and smashes whatever system it is that keeps the pod people gestating. As the room fills with smoke and Michael regards Courtney's doppelganger inside a pod, each of the Skins at Whitaker's funeral inside Travolta Center falls to the ground for no logistical reason, besides it making for an interesting visual effect. Michael runs outside, holding what appears to be a body in a burlap sack. Hi. called, and they want their body-bag imagery back. The pod chambers short out, and the Stagecoach Museum explodes as the citizens of Roswell hop into their cars and make their way back to the big city beyond. In painful slo-mo, the Skins walk into the cloud of smoke that housed their harvested pods, and stand in silence looking over the remains as white flaky Skin Bits float in the air. Oh, dude. It's Planet Eczema in there. Gage dramatically observes, "We may be as good as dead. But it's not the end." Oh, yes. It is.

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