I Married An Alien

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Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
I Wonder Tangentially About Jeannie

And we're back in Roswell, 2002. Boo! I hate it here! Gone are the exposed brick wall behind Isabel and also my will to live. Jesse enters the kitchen wearing a suit that I think is supposed to be the hyper-modernized version of the one he was just wearing. But, really, it looks exactly the same. He bids Isabel a good morning. She carries (no floating! Poor Muggles!) a mug of coffee to the table, and as she makes her way back to the stove, she tells him, "This time, I think I have really…" She opens the cover on the French toast and sadly reports, "…burnt it again." Banter about the fresh-squeezed orange juice that he says is perfect but isn't (where's the laugh track to remind me to find this gag hee-larious?), and suddenly he has to run to a [dialogue obscured by my lack of desire to hit "rewind"] meeting at 9:15. He's out the door. The walls have been painted. I think they decided to go with the too-dark "wall of plums" shade, rather than the way-too-dark "wall of blood" shade. Good call.

Jesse's gone, and we're back in time. So take me away. I don't mind. The kitchen door opens and in walks Kyle "Squiggy" Valenti, bedecked in black leather pants, jacket, and hat, and I have no doubt that his cowboy and policeman friends down at the Gay Biker Costume Depot will all, when the song is written twenty years hence, find it fun to stay at the YMCA. He enters with a boisterous "Hello!" to wild canned applause, and shows Samanthabel a metal contraption of some sort, asking, "Know what this is?" She hazards, "A carburetor?" He leaps on her line, "No, it's a carburetor!" Pause. Laugh. Set-up. Punch line. Continue: "How did you know that?" She responds that she's a "modern woman." And yet she still can't play in the band. Squiggy Valenti sits down at the table and lays out Plot B: "It may look like a carburetor, but in reality it's a gold mine." He tells her that it could be a "special carburetor. One that made it possible for a car to get three hundred miles to a gallon!" She looks at him disapprovingly. He amends: "Two hundred?" The laugh track loves it. Loves it! Isabel reminds him and us, "You know Jesse doesn't like it when I use my powers in your get-rich-quick schemes!" Poor bondage-bound Squiggy Kyle looks mournfully at his carburetor, sad in the dawning knowledge that he was forced against his will fifty years into the past, and all that remains of his once-promising character is that he is a car mechanic and sometimes people think he's gay.

And we're back to today, and this is already tiresome. I thought this site had a policy against recapping sitcoms. And, also, Picket Fences. In the kitchen, Isabel asks Kyle, "Why do you always come to me with these things?" Kyle tells her that it doesn't even have to work well; all it has to do is work. She waves a hand over it. I guess it's fixed. Plot B resolved. Bring on the wacky neighbor.

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