Roswell
Panacea

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Djb: C- | Grade It Now!
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Death Becomes Them

Meta-Chem. Michael and Larry/Carl stroll the halls, teeming with skulking, indiscreet robbers, and Michael proclaims it "secure." Lenny/Carl notes sealed metal doors and exposits, "What do you think they have behind all these secret doors?" Michael, normally the most paranoid one-note alien, plays it cool: "Can't say I think about it. Or give a damn." Lenny/Carl does, positing, "Meta-Chem is too secretive. I'm telling you, they have some crashed alien spaceship in there, and they're using reverse engineering to steal all of their cool technology." Astronauts to the moon? Ha ha ha ha ha! Michael sets him straight that "Meta-Chem is a pharmaceutical company. All they have in those classified labs is some top-secret formula for a new cough syrup." Or…DO THEY? For suddenly we're through the looking glass, people, behind the silver door to discover a vial reading, in no uncertain terms, "Guerin, Michael blood extract." Dude, the grad school intern going for his Ph.D. in "Overly Literal Label-Maker Use" so gets an A+ in plot development for that one. And the blood in the vial looks all white and milky, while the actual wound Michael exhibited earlier in the episode was, well, bloody. We pan back to find a masked, lab-coated man (who I thought was Michael the first nine times I watched it) asking, "Are you sure about this?" And who better to answer that question than…TV legend Morgan Fairchild? No, I'm not kidding. It's really her, decked out in nineteen layers of lip glass and her fourth nose, resolutely telling lab guy to "Do it!" Lab guy pulls back a curtain and inserts "Guerin, Michael blood extract" practically into the camera.

Michael and Lenny/Carl fight about whose hair is greasier. Or video games. I don't know. They are interrupted by a totally inoffensive beeping sound that means a "breach" in the building. On the surveillance cameras appears…nothing, I think? Michael tells Lenny/Carl to call the police while he goes and "secures the area." He walks down to an emergency exit and shines a flashlight, reporting into his Fisher-Price walkie-talkie, "This exit is secure; I don't see anyone." But there's a window broken in the door. Michael notes something on the floor and leans down to pick it up just as all the lights go out. Through his walkie-talkie, Michael hears Lenny/Carl call out, "Stop! Don't move!" And then gunshots. Michael runs back down the hallway to find Lenny/Carl lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Michael runs to comfort him as Lenny/Carl threatens to break into a rousing chorus of "A Little Fall of Rain" before Michael breaks down at Lenny/Carl's glorified demise.

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Roswell

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