Roswell
Panacea

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Death Becomes Them

Meta-Chem after dark. Michael, in uniform, is joined by Porno, in uniform. Oh, dude. He works for Meta-Chem. Michael asks, "You drop my name?" Porno retorts that he didn't have to, seeing as he "used to be the Sheriff and all." Yes, until he was disgraced and fired because the rational world watched him chase aliens all around the desert southwest and thought he'd gone ding-dong crazy. Sheriff or not, there are some positions you just never return to after that. Like the position of "standing near sharp objects without a police escort," for instance. But yay, Porno's got the job, so the investigation can continue unabated. Because Morgan Fairchild orchestrated a murder in that building not two full nights ago, so why not hire a former POLICE SHERIFF with ties to the town, access to privileged information, and an obvious relationship with the only person on Earth interested in employing the help of local law enforcement to investigate a mysterious murder. Think, Morgan. Think! Porno wants to start right in: "Wanna show me that crime scene?" Cut to the broken window behind the yellow police tape. Porno immediately deduces from the breakage of the glass that no one broke into Meta-Chem that night, but that whoever perpetrated the crime wanted to make it look like they did. Cut to Morgan, watching this incredibly obvious scene on a video monitor. She's had eleven more nose jobs since we saw her last. Who's watching the detectives now, Porno?

Den Of Porno. The mysteriously ambiguously non-evil Deputy Hanson sits at Porno's kitchen table, telling him, "I brought that autopsy report you asked for." Porno casually asks if there are any leads in the case, and Hanson says that he can't discuss the case. And then he overshares the whole case: "We found this shoe print at the scene. I've been waiting for a report back from the FBI lab, but they're so backed up it could take weeks." Back at Meta-Chem after dark, Michael responds to the previous scene, telling Porno, "This footprint is useless. The floor's already been scrubbed." But he forgot all about the secret, secret tool. From seeming nowhere, Porno unearths a blue light that he shines on the floor to display footprint residue matching exactly the one Hanson had given him. They lead to one of the secret silver doors, and Michael lays a hand on the security panel and opens the thing up. One test tube sits in a, um, test-tube holder, and Michael picks it up. Of course, it reads, "Meta-Chem." And on the next line "Guerin, Michael." Different vial. He shows it to Porno, who asks, "Do you think they know you're an alien?" Well, Mouthy. They sure know now. Michael shines his flashlight a little farther across the room and they discover a bit of a Michael Guerin time capsule, from empty bottles of Tabasco to the crusty, crusty Band-Aid to Liz's dress in which she was shot. Michael starts to collect the belongings, but they are interrupted by two lab-coated folks. Porno hides for a moment but then springs to action, taking control and asking them, "Can I see your ID badges?" They don't have them. In the future, they should. From another door, Morgan and her two heavies enter, and Morgan smiles at Porno: "Hello, Mr. Valenti." Oh, man. Could you guys imagine if she's been behind this thing, like, the whole time?

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Roswell

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