Spaced Out!

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Southwest Side Story

Song: A Friend In Need

[Sitting in a single spotlight, Max begins this song from his booth. The first verses are delivered directly to the audience]

Look over yonder, where Liz Parker has been shot
Sad times reflected by this melancholy scoring
But can I help her? My discretion tends toward "not"
But if she dies, I'll reign alone as "World's Most Boring"

I've never told her, but it's clear my life she's rocked
We've had so much darn fun, we've fostered an alliance
She always makes sure that the condiments are stocked
And back in school, we've shared twelve different labs of science

And if she were to live, would that just solve the quandary?
I cannot swear our plots would move with any speed
We're hypnotizing, like the spin of drying laundry
But how can I not act here, for my friend in need?

[Max stands and begins walking toward where Liz is downed]

What no one knows is that I've got a chance to help
Oh, just a touch, and I could stem the savage bleeding
And though charisma-wise she ranks just above kelp
Those darn "good guy" cliches I feel I must be heeding

Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth I go
To help would break a pact, but love for Liz is all I know
Pure reasoning gets clouded, in my mind are lights of strobe
But to help her is to risk that dreaded doctor's anal probe

[key change, and a marked orchestral swelling]
That anal proooooooooooobe!

[He breaks off in sobs, looking around desperately for an answer among the frozen patrons and their slowly-growing-cold mimed alien burgers and alien fries. He approaches Liz and kneels down before her. As he moves a hand toward her bleeding chest, it is suddenly grabbed and pulled back by a resurgent, freeze-breaking Michael. They engage in a brief duet, a version of "A Friend in Need," but it moves a little faster and the pulse is clearly more urgent.]

Hey, what you doin', man, this isn't all in fun
These people see the deal, and for police they'll yell
Don't lay a hand on her, don't be the foolish one
If she's alive or dead, the difference can you tell?

Max, plaintively:
But! But, Michael! I . . . I LOVE HER!

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