The White Room (1)

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Cream-Filled Ding-Dong

Back at the Crashdown, Liz goes into full-tilt robot mode as she stands up in a "fit" and announces, "I'm not waiting anymore. I'm going to do what Max would do for me." You mean -- what? Hook up with the new girl in plain sight of your pathetic misery, then snicker at the very notion of you getting torn limb from limb as you get dragged in four directions when your extremities get tied to ox carts running off to different destinations? Oh, wait, Max didn't do that second part. That was me. I thought that. Damn. I must really hate her.

Back at the sealed facility, the three aliens once again hide from white-clad enforcers. They make their eventual way into the morgue, nervously pulling back a sheet that we just know does not contain the extremely wet and experimented-upon remains of Max Evans. The body they reveal, however, has a silver hand print on it, and Tesla asks just what exactly the hell that is. Isabel explains that it's how Nasedo kills, but Tesla's protests to the contrary are interrupted by the arrival of Agent Pierce at the door of the morgue, observing, "You shouldn't be here." Frozen silence all around as we fade to a much needed commercial respite.

Commercials: Here's a three-step insider marketing tip for all you would-be movie industry types out there. Name a movie Screwed. Cast Norm MacDonald, star of Dirty Work, as your dashing leading man. Wait for the bucks to ROLL IN.

Fade back pretty much where last we left off, Agent Pierce staring the three down. But apparently he is no kind of Agent Pierce at all. And as Tesla looks at him and observes, "It's you," the lights start to glow and Evil Ed morphs, sans Tic-Tacs again, back into his default goofy self. Tesla's first thought is in compensation: "Don't ever leave me alone like that again." Which he's never done. With the exception of the three years he was in containment at the very facility he has waltzed back into for the sole purpose of speaking in so full a voice that he might as well have brought the cast of "Riverdance" to step-dance through the echo-y metallic walls of the otherwise silent morgue. Oh, wait. I guess he could have been contained for three years before Tesla came around. Whatever. He says he has four of them to protect now, and Michael can barely prevent himself from bursting into a soulful rendition of Madonna's poignant "Oh, Father" at this touching reunion. Which he could do with little threat of alien-hunter detection, considering the volume the four have already reached. Evil Ed pledges to get them out and to safety once more. Wow. How amazing. He's so nice, suddenly. I will signify this almost inexplicable character shift with a nickname connoting its believability within the framework already established for his character: how about "Evil Ed." And so it shall remain. Cut to Nasedo-as-suited-agent hustling the rest of them into plain sight, at one key moment evading even Pierce as he crosses an adjoining hallway. Tesla pretends that this moment was dramatic enough for her to look relieved. It's ruse-tastic!

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