Roswell
Wipeout!

Episode Report Card
Djb: D | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Should I Stay Or Should I...JUST GO

Back at Chez Evans, the Funny Frittata subplot continues unabated as Max, Isabel, and Bangs sit around the kitchen table chewing, chewing, chewing. Bangs asks a taboo question about why "that cute Liz Parker" hasn't been calling lately, and, mouth full of comedy, Max changes the subject and asks for another slice of Frittata. Bangs is flattered. She looks away, and Isabel takes this opportunity to hork a mouthful of quiche crap into her napkin. Bangs stands to fetch another slice for him (even though she put the damn thing down on the table they're sitting at, like, five continuity-eschewing seconds ago), and special effects are cleverly avoided as we cut to a shot of Max's face and the sound of a plate hitting the floor. Max and Isabel stand: "Mom?" But Mom is gone and the Frittata is everywhere. Bye forever, Bangs. Contract negotiation sure can be a bitch, eh? Just ask that husband of yours. Oh, that's right. You can't. He's gone, too.

Hey, you guys? Ever seen that Twilight Zone episode where the couple wakes up in a bed they don't recognize and find an unfamiliar town completely devoid of people? You say you've never seen it? Well, you can change your answer at any time...because you're watching it right now. The Jetta finds its way back to town, and Maria pulls behind several stopped cars right in the middle of the road. She veers around them at an exaggerated clip, when suddenly a baby carriage appears in front of the car and Maria slams into it hardcore. Wow. If you didn't hate her before for her wackiness, her spinelessness, or her abandoned wackiness, you are now free to add "kills babies" to your list of undesirable Maria DeLuca character traits. She stops the car in a hurry and runs over to the stroller, finding it empty. Liz and Maria begin to panic as they look around at the empty cars (which all should have crashed into each other, rather than just gliding to a stop in an orderly fashion), the toppled bicycles, the lawnmower that seems to be driving itself. Liz and Maria clutch at each other and Liz yells, "Where is everybody?" Centerville. Everybody's in Centerville. Go find that Twilight Zone episode. It's really good.

And, finally, the Short Bus pulls into Roswell and comes to a stop. The driver wishes them a good visit. The passengers step off, and one of them kisses the driver. Gage and his proxy Earth Mother with the femullet and the Southern Florida clothes step off last, Gage tugging at the cheap sunglasses affixed to his collar and dramatically intoning, "Let's find some aliens." Oooh, scary. Run! Cower in fear! The femullet could conquer even the power of the pecs.

Opening credits: Finally.

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Roswell

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