Roswell
Wipeout!

Episode Report Card
Djb: D | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Should I Stay Or Should I...JUST GO

Everyone's back at the Crashdown. Isabel and Michael escort Courtney to a table, and Max pipes in, "If guns don't work, how do we kill them?" Courtney responds by bending over slightly (shut up and go with me, here. It's what happened, okay?) and pulling up a patch of skin in her lower back with an icky tearing noise that I hate, to reveal a silver button underneath. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I heard "from another planet" and not "from Small Wonder's cutting-room floor" when we first found out who Courtney really was. She advises, "Take the heaviest thing that you can find and smash this as hard as you can. It breaks the seal on the husk permanently." Isabel worries about Gage's power, and Courtney foreshadows in a subtle fashion (in that faraway planet where "subtle" actually means "unsubtle"), "He can get inside of your head and take anything that he wants. Basically, he rapes you of your memories and your thoughts." Porno comments that they have to get everyone somewhere safe, and Max suggests the UFO Center because it's a former bomb shelter. Or at least it is for the purposes of this episode, seeing as I don't think we've ever known that before. Max divvies up tasks, delegating a job ("you run, you run faster, you hide, you run a little slower, yawn, blah, fee, flah, feh") to everyone but Kyle, who wonders why the dis. Max deadpans it: "You're not somebody I trust." Whoa. Early frost on Planet Bitchslap.

Max's "Let's move" instigates about two hours of the humans and aliens running junior-high versions of botched football plays across the street to the UFO Center, and I half expect Max to pull down a chart with Xs and Os drawn wildly across it and start bellowing like Pacino in Any Given Sunday, a movie I have never seen but reference authoritatively every so often. Such as now. Flattened against the wall outside the Crashdown, Max notes that they have to "split up into groups," then notes a faltering Porno and asks if he's okay. My phone rings. It's Jason Katims. "It's foreshadowing!" he screams. And then he hangs up. So now we know. Anyway, Michael and Kyle carry Courtney across the street, and Michael opens the door with his hand and they carry her in. Next up is Porno accompanying Tess, Liz, and Maria, and when it's just Max and Isabel, she asks if she can go find Gage and have it out with him alone. Max blah-blahs the stock speech about them being stronger together than they are apart, and Isabel agrees to Max's face until he turns around to find that she's bailed anyway. He takes off down the alley after her and away from the UFO Center. Cut back to Isabel, walking through town in plain sight toward the Short Bus. She spots a remote control car zooming around underneath said bus, which rounds a corner and slams into her foot. She turns around to face Gagecakes, who offers the gotcha surprise, "Boo." Which is just exactly how I feel about this scene, except with the addition of a thumbs-down hand gesture and about five thousand extra "Os" on the end.

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Roswell

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